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greenteahelps
3,050 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 132 Compassion hearts180 Forum posts53 Forum upvotes89 Current upvotes89 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceJanuary 10, 2018
Bio
Hello!
I am a Philosophy major (love reading and studying Philosophy; specifically ethics and ontology).
I love to travel (have been to three countries within the past year... hopefully that number continues to go up!)
I love coffee, tea and wine.
I am here because I want to take care of my mental health, emotional health and work on communication skills so I can develop more satisfying relationships.
Recent forum posts
New Diagnosis
Anxiety Support / by greenteahelps
Last post
 June 23rd, 2020
...See more Yesterday was a day that I've been waiting for for the past six years now. I finally was listened to and referred to a pychiatrist who officially said I've been struggling with OCD (along with Depression and Anxiety in general). This is something that I've been wanting and asking my primary care doctor for years and she never referred me to anyone. The only time I saw a pychiatrist was when I was hospitalized twice and no one every thought or recommended that I see or keep in contact with one regularly. I'm feeling very seen and heard right now which is a big deal for me because I don't feel like I am until things get bad and even then, I am still not getting the specific help or direction I ask for. So I am really glad that I was able to get a new primary doctor who wasted no time to recommend me to a pychiatrist. I am looking forward to see how things will go on my new medications as I have not been on any for about two years now. I am relieved that I finally have two doctors that are listening to me and doing their jobs. I'm feeling really hopeful about my future. I wonder if anyone else could relate to my experience, I'd love to hear.
How do I know that I'm not blocking everything, everyone good and missing out?
Relationship Stress / by greenteahelps
Last post
 May 16th, 2020
...See more Someone said that the people that are meant to be your people will come to you. I liked the sound of this because it made me feel less anxious for about 10 minutes until I thought about all of the failed relationships and friendships with people in the past. I'm worried that these might have been 'my people', but because I am who I am, I am naturally just blocking any and everything good and missing out and 'my people'. I feel myself generalizing and that it might not be true, but it does feel true enough that I am worried and feeling like I'm sabtoging myself. I feel like I'm too this or not enought that that I won't ever be able to be myself and have 'my people' 'come to me'.
How do you get out of the 'victim loop'?
Relationship Stress / by greenteahelps
Last post
 May 7th, 2020
...See more I read a really interesting post on instagram today (@dr.marielbuque) about signs that you are revictiminzing yourself and a lot of those signs are things I see myself doing (stuck in a harmful thought loop about the past, not acknowledging my emotional pain, invalidating myself the way they did, and not keeping wellness boundaires). I've noticed these signs and I'm trying to think of ways to stop this cycle. I continually go into this cycle because I feel like there are lessons to be learned and something I am missing that I've done really wrong and the shaming of myself and trying to find what I did wrong to make sense of things makes me feel like I'm more in control than I probably am and I end up reminding myself that I don't deserve good, new things for myself in the future. It's frustrating and hard, especially when it comes to relationships with people, which I struggle with handling my emotions surrounding relationships the most. Where do you think is a good place to start in getting out of this unhealthy loop?
Not Knowing Where We Stand (Lack of Boundaries)
Relationship Stress / by greenteahelps
Last post
 April 11th, 2020
...See more So I've been having a difficult time lately with this person because I'm constantly confused about where we stand. Maybe not so much where we stand but being confused about where I stand in this person's life. We've gone back and forth from friends to not friends to a bit more than friends and I'm tired of going through this confusing cycle that depends on how he is feeling that day. I'm terrible at establishing boundaries and I'm not even sure if the problem here is the lack of me sticking with or establishing boundaries. I'm tired of just going along with how he feels about things between us. I definitely feel like I need to distance myself and remove myself from the picture, but that's difficult for me because at the beginning of this most recent cycle, I was given many reasons to think that us being more than friends was a realistic possibility he was interested in. (As for when or how interested, obviously not now and not much.)
How to Balance Being Critical
Relationship Stress / by greenteahelps
Last post
 April 3rd, 2020
...See more So after the session I had with my therapist yesterday about friendships, a never-ending problem I seem to have, I have done some thinking. I'm supposed to figuring out my self-worth and value in hopes that it will make me happier and somehow magically make me be able to be happy in relationships. I get that, but the problem is I don't know how to form healthy friendships and relationships. This is where my frustration lies. I would not say that everyone hates me because that isn't true, but I've experienced a lot of pain in friendships, similar reoccurring ways people treat me, and it's making me feel like I'm doomed and incapable of being treated the way I want to be treated. I just want support, honesty, and direct communication and I have not been able to find those things in people. When things come up, I feel like I'm treated much more harshly than friends within the friend group. People I bend over backwards for, care for, and help are able to recognize that I'm a good friend in doing those things, but these same people cannot defend me, support me or be loyal to me. With that being said, I also think that I'm am hyper-critical. I don't want to say overly critical because I think that doesn't capture what I mean or my intentions the way hyper-critical does. I think hyper-critical is a better way to describe it because I feel like I have to be hypervigilant and aware of everything that goes on and how individuals treat me so I don't get hurt. I communicate when someone has hurt me or made me feel uncomfortable. I see myself as forgiving and able to move forward when the person has acknowledged my feelings and apologized. But then other things come up, adding on and on and I feel uncomfortable and unable to trust the person to continue in the friendship. Then it's done, on my accord, because I feel it's necessary to communicate and let them know that I'm done. Now that I've sort of analyzed the past relationships and such, I'm trying to balance being hypercritical and when to know when it actually was time to say goodbye because that friendship was unhealthy. I often struggle with not feeling like I give people enough chances and then once I do finally pull the plug, I feel like I've been too harsh or take 100% of the blame for things not working out. I'm not sure how to balance that though. I feel like I can either let people use me the way they want and treat me however with no say or I can express my boundaries and feelings and communicate. Communication has not done me well as those people don't end up changing their actions and how they treat me. Then I end up spiraling into a depression because I'm so confused as to what the actual problem is and why they couldn't work with me or understand my point of view. Now I'm scared to try anything or form relationships with anyone else because nobody seems to be able to understand me. I feel like I'm hypercritical but at the same time my concerns and feelings are valid. People end up always turning out to not be trustworthy or show that they don't care about me. I know a part of that is me looking for it, but I always end up finding it. I try not to look for it as much, but I still find it. I feel like me not looking for it will result in me being used and walked over. Me not looking for it is me giving people the benefit of the doubt and I've done that and been hurt. It's a cycle I can't seem to get myself out of.
Social Anxiety is at a Max
Anxiety Support / by greenteahelps
Last post
 April 4th, 2020
...See more I am feeling very anxious but in a different way than usual. I feel like I'm becoming anxious of waiting for myself to become very anxious and worried about whether I'll be able to handle it. Logically speaking, I think I'll be able to handle it because I've handled anxiety out of worse situations. Right now I'm having a difficult time not rethinking every social encounter I've had. I'm feeling very paranoid and anxious about the ways in which I've been received. I have no one to confirm or deny outside of myself because I don't have any friends (I have a lot of trust issues and a difficult time regaining trust for people who have done me wrong). I'm trying to take this slowly and not start snowballing and assuming, but I feel it coming.
Healing and Social Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by greenteahelps
Last post
 March 23rd, 2020
...See more Most times I can get back on track to self-care and doing the things I need to do take care of my mental health. This morning I went to journal and one of the prompts was to name how I need support and a list of people I can count on for support. This gave me a lot of anxiety and honestly felt like it started to undo the process I had made this morning because I couldn't and can't think of a single person I can count on for support. This is difficult for me because relationships with others is the source of my depression and anxiety and it is easier for me to think of things I can do to help myself, but time after timer I keep coming to things and therapists saying that I need a support system. I don't have a support system and it is difficult for me to create support systems or have friendships or relationships with peope where I can trust them and they haven't broken that trust. I have such a difficult time figuring out whether I am being the difficult one and to give the person who hurt me another chance or if that person really just doesn't care about me and/or our relationship. Logically I can go back and see that I have communicated and done all I can to make the relationship better, but that type of honest effort isn't given back for whatever reason. It is hard to move forward and make progress in my anxiety and depression without a support system and I'm not sure how to see prompts or hear things about how important support systems are when I know I do not have one and don't see myself having or creating one anytime soon.
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