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gazemaze
394 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceOctober 2, 2022
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First Anniversary
Grief & Loss / by gazemaze
Last post
 December 9th, 2023
...See more My dad passed away from cancer this month last year. December 21, 2023. He lived for only six months after being told his cancer had metastasized and reached stage four. He was told he had up to five years left to live. I knew it wouldn’t be more than a year after looking up the statistics. I moved back home but in those six months, I was grieving his loss so much already while watching him fade into a sack of skin and bones; a husk of the man I knew as my dad. He scared me in a way. He wasn’t dad. He was a sad, weak lump. The image of him unable to reach out to me on his deathbed still haunts me every day. I feel like I never properly showed him how much I love and care about him during the time he needed it more than ever. He was an amazing dad. So loving and supportive. He accepted everyone as his own and everybody adored him. He was smart and funny and just everything good you could ever wish for in a person. I’m only 25. He’ll never get to meet the person I marry or attend the wedding or meet his grandbabies or watch me reach milestones in the things I’m passionate about. I’ll never get to tell him of all the exciting things I’m doing. I’ll never even get to share another meal with him. Last year was technically my first Christmas without him, but with everything going on we didn’t celebrate anyways. I’ve never been a holiday person but it still has significance. This feels more like my first Christmas without him. How am I suppose to enjoy the holidays when all I can feel is the pain we all experienced losing such an incredible man to such a horrible disease at a time where families come together
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Struggling to be with my dying dad
Family & Caregivers / by gazemaze
Last post
 October 2nd, 2022
...See more My dad has stage four cancer with nothing left to help. He's a different person after all the treatments took away everything I know of him. I can't seem to bring myself to spend time with him. Like I want to hold on as if the longer I avoid it, the longer I postpone the inevitable. I find myself coming home from work and going straight to my room until I have to go back to work. I always wish I was spending my time with him... but I just can't.
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