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froggeychair
3 5,405 M Moving Along
PathStep 81 Compassion hearts881 Forum posts72 Forum upvotes128 Current upvotes128 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJuly 18, 2022
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feeling brave posting here
Trauma Support / by froggeychair
Last post
 January 6th
...See more This is the first time I'm posting in trauma support afaik and I'm scared but I still feel like sharing my experience. The past year 2024 has been really scary and confusing and it was the first time I actually came to terms with and started to accept I might be allowed to call myself "traumatized". I've only beaten myself up in the past for not being traumatized enough to be feeling this bad since 5th grade or so but my seemingly inexplicable dissociation, depression, anxiety and low self worth have always been signs. My mom never gave me a reason for why she didn't believe I could have a Dissociative disorder and my teachers have told me and the school's psychologist I seem to be doing too good for accommodations. It's weird that to the outside I'm this high-functioning individual when in my reality I always feel lost and numb and not like myself. It's like when I'm at my worst I almost look my best even though the smiling in public felt like someone else, like an autopilot taking over my body just that the autopilot almost seems to have more personality than myself. I'm currently looking for a therapist and I'm scared to make the calls for it. I've been to therapy and quit again before, I was convinced I was fine now. But it was really just the beginning of another bad time and the beginning of realizing I wasn't ever honest with myself nor my therapist. It's scary to have a past which you think of as normal in your own little bubble but your friends then ask you if you're aware you're deeply traumatized. I still doubt it, in therapy I never brought it up, it's in the past and it's not like I remember much of it or feel like that happened to me at all. But I know I probably should and it might just be the key to solving my genuinely debilitating dissociation and other struggles. I'm always too scared to bring up my real struggles and my autopilot refused to do so in therapy in the past. I hope I can express my real struggles in therapy soon. It's kind of a problem for my future right now too since I can't focus on studying ever. Sometimes it feels unfair I couldn't get the help and love I needed when I was still a child. And now I have to handle it alone as I recently turned 18 but it's my only chance because my parents always scared me too much so I wouldn't dare to bring my real problems up. I feel pretty ridiculous for being so scared of them and secretive around them when they never really abused me.
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🍎 Freddy's Apple Orchard
Journals & Diaries / by froggeychair
Last post
 January 7th
...See more hi hi Freddy just wanted to have a swag diary space so this is it I'm not guaranteeing that I'll remember to put tws and I'd rather not have too many comments from others on this Apple Orchard because apple orchards are my comfort spot and my mind revolves around being apl a lot I'll most likely rant about dissociation, autism and being apl or write love letters to classical music quotes: "There's always something to live for. Classical music." "...because no matter what you have to endure, dear, playing chopin will always heal your mind." -by doris "A deep belief in your own dignity, your own worth. Never let anyone make you feel like you're nobody. Always feel that you count, that you're worthy and that your life has ultimate significance." -by doll-y
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