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friendlyDime4413
1 115 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceMarch 11, 2018
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I need to get this out
Trauma Support / by friendlyDime4413
Last post
 March 13th, 2018
...See more Tonight I am struggling an awful lot with guilt. Its like a ton weight on my chest and I need ti talk to somebody or write it down or something because going out of my head. Im in my thirties and im back living at home with very little money and im stick in a very low paid job without much prospects of gaining better employment......this isnt a poor.me,pity me post. I do not deserve or want anyones pity. I have gotten myself into this dreadful mess but I honestly cant figure a way out of it. I want to go back to.college but I'm so afraid that I wont succeed because ive failed and dropped out so many times and then there is the money issue- I havent got any, so I would find it very hard to support myself and asking my parents to fund me just isnt an option. My self respect wont allow.me do that ,they are already providing there 30 something daughter with place to live and food and a car. I mean for fucksake, at this stage of my life I really should be supporting myself. And im sick of excuses, because to be honest ive been given so many opportunities in life but I fucked them all up! I just want to be a person I can be proud of but I keep going back to my selfdefense mode of sitting there pretending everythings just fine, when so clearly its not and I really need to make some serious changes. I need to set goals, like quit smoking and stick to it, then at least il start believing what I say I will do even if others dont. I need to break free of this little girl who stopped caring or really participating in life as a cry for help! Its past that and I need to break free of her habits. I am strong woman who needs to use this guilt as driving force behind me to make things better for myself. There is no knight in shining armour coming to save me . There is no one that can take away this pain in me except myself and the only way I can do that is by becoming a more productive person who has a purpose and who stops pushing people away and stop being so bloody gaurded but who also is more thoughtful and considerate of others and start making plans for the future. Because if I dont start now then I will end up having lived my whole life, in guilt, regret, and in the past. Dear me,I need to do this, please.let me find the strength within me to make a meaningful change,please!
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