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fearlessOak3002
2,635 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 73 Compassion hearts121 Forum posts271 Forum upvotes236 Current upvotes236 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2017 Member sinceJuly 28, 2016
Bio
Inner strength comes from the balance of holding on with letting go.
Recent forum posts
Anxiety is getting worse
Anxiety Support / by fearlessOak3002
Last post
 August 18th, 2017
...See more Hi. I'm in therapy and my anxiety seems to be getting worse. This could be because we are getting to some things that are hard to face. I've always been a people pleaser and am having a hard time because I'm resisting to the point of not even understanding fully, what my therapist is trying to tell me. I feel like he's frustrated with me. He said that I seem to want to think and feel the "right" feelings and thoughts, and that's just what I'm doing here! I wish he'd just come out and tell me what he "wants" me to do. I hate this uncovering and self-discovery. It makes me feel very vulnerable. I feel like I'm trying to read between the lines of what he tells me. I can't seem to take what he says as it is given. All in all, I'm feeling a lot "crazier" than when I went in.
Relationship moving downhill
Relationship Stress / by fearlessOak3002
Last post
 March 20th, 2017
...See more After an affair, my SO initially refused to break contact with the OW. At my insistance, he did. I found out the other day that he had contact with her. He became depressed when I continued to insist that he have only necessary email contact and cc me. I know he has no intention of following that. He has said to me that if he had enough money, he would possibly move out and that "the jury is still out" on our relationship. If I put my foot down and say, comply or get out, he'd probably leave and I don't want that. I know what you all are going to say -- you are crazy. Let him go. We've been married for 32 years. Just found out our son is separated from his wife. We have no idea why. Both men in my life basically refuse to communicate with me. I just "pressure" them too much.
To my SO -- You are Responsible for your own happiness
Relationship Stress / by fearlessOak3002
Last post
 March 11th, 2017
...See more Below is a letter i actually just sent to my SO, who I learned today, had contact with his affair partner. (She ows him money.) ---------------------- When people have affairs, and their spouse discovers it, usually one of 2 things occurs. The person moves out because they are choosing the affair partner over their spouse, or the person stays and apologizes profusely to the spouse, basically saying that they would do anything to keep the marriage. Obviously, you are not in either of those 2 places. I'm thinking that you are here only because of the longevity of our marriage and because you don't want the humiliation of moving out and giving up all that we have. I'd like there to be more to our relationship, but I can't force it. There is a minimum, though, that I need. I need there to be no contact. That was the agreement. Necessary contact by email with me copied. Anything less tells me that you do not want to do the work necessary to stay in our marriage. Happiness, is, at least partially, a choice. The rest is about asking for help when you need it.
My son & his wife are separated
Relationship Stress / by fearlessOak3002
Last post
 February 20th, 2017
...See more Bear with me for posting here. My son and his wife have just split up. They have 2 little boys -- 4 and 1 and they all live about 4 hours from me. There is so much, suddenly, to navigate, like, who do I contact now, about seeing the grandkids? They are with their mom. My son is being very uncommunicative about this, which is his right as an adult, but it doesn't help me know how to figure out how to best handle seeing his kids. Thankfully, I'm in contact with the other grandmother, who is being super supportive of me seeing the kids. She has even offered to drive them 4 hours so I can be with them, and we can take them to the zoo or somewhere near my house. She doesn't want to step on my son's toes, but I am feeling like nothing is going to stop me from seeing them, or from forming a good relationship with their other grandmother, who lives very near them and sees them a lot. Do any of you have any thoughts from the perspective of a divorced parent, or even a child of divorced parents? Thank you all for understanding.
I just need someone to give a crap
Depression Support / by fearlessOak3002
Last post
 February 18th, 2017
...See more My son and his wife have split up. They've got 2 small boys. I just found this out yesterday, right before work. I've been crying this afternoon about it. After trying to calm down, I started crying again, and SO says, "Oh, don't start that again." This is after my closest friend gives me a condescending lecture via email about how I can't do anything about it. My son says he doesn't want to talk about it and wants privacy, which I totally understand. But, where and to whom can I have these overwhelming emotions?? I feel like I'm behind a steel door in a room that I've been locked in by the people I love the most. I hate being treated like a child instead of supported. It pisses me off. My daughter-in-law was the one holding the whole famliy together. She's very thoughtful and communicative. Now that they've split, I am afraid that my closed-mouth son will pass next to nothing on to me about the grand-kids. My daugher-in-law had always sent us pics of the kids, and that has stopped fairly recently. The littlest one is only a year, and I don't think my son is the type to be able to handle both kids for a 4 hour drive alone to our house. Not that I'll literally never see the kids again, but this is just such a sad and tragic change. I feel like they are throwing so much away.
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