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fearlessLemon4109
8,860 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 40 Compassion hearts1,052 Forum posts56 Forum upvotes57 Current upvotes57 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 27, 2017
Bio
Found me flying 🧚‍♂️ she/her Diagnosed with anxiety and depression, here to spread peace and love.
Recent forum posts
I am pregnant
Anxiety Support / by fearlessLemon4109
Last post
 September 27th, 2021
...See more So um today was a whole series of events so trigger warning for self harm and abuse. my ex bf who i just recently broke up with basically tried to harm himself in front of me. I eventually got my mate to call the cops. He has been abusive towards me in the past and even last night he was aggressive. i ended up going to the hospital because (ill give some context i have anxiety and depression) i was not going well with my mental health and having intrusive thoughts. they take some blood and urine samples at the hospital and um well it turns out that i am pregnant. Only a month but still i have something growing inside me. i just turned 20 years old so i am so well not prepared to have a child so yes i am probably going to terminate the pregnancy. i have only told one friend, i am scared, i feel alone, i feel so very vulnerable. I am so dar away from home basically right across the country (Australia) and so when i get this out of the way and maybe travel with a mate for a bit i will fly home to be with my family. i never thought it would happen to me to get pregnant. It feels no real and when the doctor told me i just burst into tears. Hopefully i can do the procedure very soon and with little to no side effects but i am so embarrassed. I had to tell my mum that my partner had been abusive and the whole situation that got me into hospital and i just feel very week. they gave me some medication to sleep which is good but i just want to get the procedure out of the way and see my friends again. i am scared for my ex bfs mental health and his addiction problem. It is not my fault for his addiction though and i have to keep reminding myself about that. Today was just so hard and getting told that i am pregnant on top of it all just makes things way more complex. i am going to come stronger out of this and i do believe in myself. Right now i might just take a nap. If you read all of this please feel free to send some love as it would be appreciated greatly. Love to you all xo -c
Forgiveness
Relationship Stress / by fearlessLemon4109
Last post
 July 6th, 2021
...See more So i rarely get into relationships at all, ive had about two prior ones but this one is a little different. Ive been in the relationship for about 2 months, i know not that long, and at the start i didnt know where it was going. Im used to one night stands or friends with benefits. So i sleept with a guy at the very start of our relationship, mimd you we were not even dating but as we got closer i keept on feeling shitter and shitter about how i slept with this other guy. I get back from being away for 10 days and 20mins into seeing him again i tell him about it. Turns out he is his band mate and he is playing a gig with him in a few days. He flips out, tries to kick me out but i couldnt move (i get frozen) and so he drinks and i curl up and i know i messed up but then he slapped me, and then again, and then the next thing i know ive been enduring slaps and punches and verbal abuse for 3 nights. On the last night i told him that he had to stop hurting me, he punched me after that. He was drunk the whole time and i dont even think he remembers doing half of what he did to me. So i take him to his gig but ofc he breaks down and i go straight into ‘caregiver’ mode. This nice girl who was a psychologist basically assessed the situation and said i could leave the gig. So i did. He then spent the night in hospital for mental health reasons (i also had to take his knife away from him) and for his alcoholism. He now says he forgives me for hurting him but i cant forgive him. I just cant look at him the same way i did before he made me so scared and frightened. Im not blaming myself for his actions and i am taking some space from him for a week. I do like him and did fall in love with him but as i said i cannot forgive him for what he did. I know people say they will ‘never do it again’ but i said that towards cheating and i have cheated a fair few times. I miss him too, he was a good guy but i think his drinking got the better of him. Feel free to comment your take on the situation, thx for reading xo
Feeling alone
Anxiety Support / by fearlessLemon4109
Last post
 May 10th, 2021
...See more Hey, im travelling right now and so far i have met so many people, most nice and they make me feel safe. However recently ive been feeling down and as if somehow im hated, theres this one guy whos super nice and i sleept with him and then last night i sleept with another guy. Im feeling like im the girl whos sleeping around so much and people well some people dont like that. My fear if being rejected by people is scary and my anxiety plays into that so much. I know that i shouldnt care what other people think of me if i do not like their personality towards me. Its degrading. I just want to start back on the road again but i hurt my foot the other night so i need to let that heal before i can travel properly again so it doesn’t get infected. Theres so many emotions and i couldnt be bothered taking my meds yesterday which explains half of what i am feeling right now. I do miss my family heaps too. I just feel like exploding and screaming out.
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