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fairmindedVase
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts49 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2017 Member sinceFebruary 15, 2015
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Getting back together advice?
Relationship Stress / by fairmindedVase
Last post
 October 15th, 2016
...See more If you want more detailed information on my circumstances, check here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/SurvivingBreakupsDivorceSupportCommunity_56/SurvivingBreakupsDivorce_46/Gotovermyexuntiltonight_18187/ Now more relevant to this specific thread topic: I miss my ex. He (FtM) knows it, in all likelihood. We've talked a lot about getting back together since we broke up seven months ago. In September-ish he said he still saw a future with me, but has since retracted that statement. I let the idea go for a bit and we stayed good friends for a while and it was all fine. Early January I did a semi-grand gesture and brought up us getting together again. He declined but said he appreciated the gesture. A few weeks later he said that had I done what I did on that day but seven months ago instead, he wouldn't have broken up with me. So, yeah. I want him back dearly, at (almost) any cost. Reasons for breakup include me getting too comfortable in our relationship and not putting as much effort into being affectionate and showing my love as I had used to. Since the breakup I've been dealing with plenty of guilt over what I'd done and have taken the steps in my personal life to ensure that those problems shouldn't exist in any other future relationship. It just so happens that I still feel like I'm in love with him and want to be with him. He has noticed and pointed out to me that I've made positive changes in my life that he approves of. And I think I've only been getting better. We have had one brief conversation recently that went well. Other than that we haven't spoken in weeks, but we left on good terms. We haven't had an argument or been outright upset with each other in a couple of months. However, since we're in a weird little-contact situation right now, I don't want to just enter his life again out of the blue. But my question is when? And how? I don't want to wait too long for fear of A) Him forgetting all about me or B) Him finding someone new and starting a relationship with them. I thought maybe during my spring break next month I can come back to our hometown and try to meet up for something casual to reignite our friendship at least. Or I could even wait until summer break from school (with maybe light casual chatter online until then) but waiting that long seems awfully painful. At the moment I'm relatively convinced and settled on the idea of trying to get back together. So, I'd preferr not getting advice telling me I shouldn't do this (unless you can also offer specific reasons why not). So, have you ever gotten back with an ex? How did you decide it was right for you? How do I convince him I'm worth another chance? What can I say/do to show my ex that I'm a better person but still have the same traits he liked about me before? How much longer should I wait before "making a move"? What signs should I look for?   tl;dr: Want ex back. What do?
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"Got over" my ex until tonight..
Relationship Stress / by fairmindedVase
Last post
 February 15th, 2015
...See more Saw my ex tonight. He (a FtM transgender; I'm an otherwise cishet male) was in a theatre performance in our hometown where he still lives for now, so I came to see it as I promised I would a while ago. We haven't spoken in three weeks. Three Fridays ago we left on a sour note after he canceled plans we had to get breakfast last-minute. Besides the small spat the cancellation caused, we'd been on solidly good terms for several weeks. A couple days later I sent him a text while I was playing a trivia game with some friends. A question came up and I knew the answer, but only because it was something he had told me a long time ago when we were still together. He answered and made a little joke about me asking and then that was it. Since then I've half-deliberately avoided any contact. We've both been busy -- him with theatre, me with school, and both of us with life in general. I had hoped tonight would be a refreshing moment, because when last we spoke I think we both would have called ourselves great close friends still. I went to see him when the show was over after saying hey to a few other people I knew there. He came and offered a hug, which I returned. And the feelings rushed back into me again. Things I hadn't felt in a while and that I thought were all but gone. It was like I fell in love with him all over in a matter of seconds. And the thing about the hug was that I could tell that he felt nothing similar. I tried to convey my excitement and happiness for his performance, but it felt ill-received as I was kinda pushed aside. I thought I was past this. I've gone out with and chatted up several other people in the past few weeks. I felt like I was over him, like I was whole again, y'know? But after tonight, I'm not so certain. I generally run pretty low, emotionally speaking. Suicide is an almost daily consideration of mine. I have a necklace with a charm that means a lot to me that I wear when I need an extra boost to get through my day. I haven't taken it off, outside of showering, in almost a month. I keep poking my thumb on its pointed end to make sure it still hurts. All I can think of is taking the pointed end somewhere else on my skin and just letting it destroy me. I'm not trying to sound poetic to make a statement, but writing has always been one of my coping mechanisms. In regards to my ex, I feel like I still want to be with him more than anything. If we can manage to just be best friends, that's okay, too, especially since we'd been just that for a couple of months without many complications. No one has ever known or understood me -- my passions, my dreams, my quirks, or my pain -- like he has/did. And at this moment, I'm still honestly convinced that nobody ever will. I want to die. I want to be done with all of this. Knowing that he either can't or simply won't be here to stop me, I want to disappear that much more.
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