I'm fahd, an 18 year old boy. 

The reason I got in here because I needed help to recover, and regain control of my life, by getting support and guidance from people who care.

My 7 year old cat died 6 months ago.

2 Failed relationships. 

First relationship was a year ago, 3 months with a non jealous horrible partner, and another 3 months trying to reach her after she ghosted me and hurted me. 

I recently got out of a 4 months long distance relationship with a narcissistic female, she cheated on me and was extemely rude with it, blamed me, so I blocked her after she threatened to leave even though its all her fault, she never took accountability for anything, nor try to fix the relationship. 

I was emphasizing with her, understood her, sacrificed my feelings, time, and health, just to provide her with her needs despite my needs not getting met at all, which were bare minimum like calling.

but she used me, and I did what I had the right to do. 

I'm bad with building good habits, hard times to focus. 

Unsupportive family, no friends, narcissistic extremely religious father who yells at me to pray, despite of that being a terrible thing a religious person can do. 

A brother who makes me lose hope in everything, verbally abusing me. 

I was in Egypt till the age of 9, but I live rn in saudi arabia, with only my family, so all my relatives, uncles, aunts, are in Egypt. 

I'm a muslim, I love islam and I believe in it, but due to my constant feeling of overwhelm, the weight on my chest, the pain, the anxiety, Im unable to pray daily. 

I also have attachment issues, fear of being alone, sensitive, not good looking, and I have a porn addiction that I try to quit but never succeed. 

Trouble feeling happy for people, ungratefulness, whenever I see someone has something I don't, it makes me feel bad instead of being happy for them. 

Like having a partner, children, good physical body, good looks, a future, education, friends, and spending time in fun activities, which I don't have any of them at all. 

I don't understand how can people enjoy being alone, for me it hurts, even if I do enjoyable actions. 

Interests: Video games(Story, anime, and a few other genres), anime, I like to read but I'm unable to build the habit.

I have an interest in psychology, and raising kids. 

My dreams are a bit off, but I wish to build and orphanage, have a daughter of my own, and save this generation from the social media brainrot and brainwashing. 

Although I'm too depressed and lack energy, and the will to take steps towards my dream. 

Head aches, bad focus, genetic hair loss, and Sinus issues, wears glasses because I have a bad eyesight.

I either not eat much, or eat much, I can't stay in the middle. 

I'm tired of romantic relationships, but I just want to be loved like a human being. 

Like a sister's love, or a motherly love, which I don't have either of them. 

And a good male friend that I feel energatic with, the boys vibes without talking about inappropriate topics, and helps me become a better man. 

I need female comfort, and a male's masculinity. 

Male masculinity without comfort turns me into a toxic person. 

Female comfort without masculinity makes me lesser of a man.