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enthusiasticBeach8170
2,288 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts88 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupTeen Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceMay 3, 2023
Bio

Everything in my life is a nightmare and dreadful. I write poems to escape from reality and am a serial binger
Recently got a hold of myself both physically and mentally and stopped self harm 
Gained most the weight I lost 
Trying my best to not relapse 



Recent forum posts
This is a poem about me trying not to relapse ( I don't have a title for it )
Poetry / by enthusiasticBeach8170
Last post
 May 16th
...See more Why are these thoughts coming upto my head I just don’t know I want these all dead Or maybe should I go on thinking about it And figure out stuff bit by bit I’ve tried so hard to stop the from invading my mindspace But right now I’m trying to give up with the least possible grace They have been knocking at my door over 1 week I have tried to ignore them being absolutely chic Oh god do I not want to be their slave again I thought I was their master but guess they bought back the pain Why ? Just Why ?? I don’t want to ask for help and become a burden for them as I cry No.But I’ve already reached out for help Now you can’t back out and yelp I thought I started doing my gut’s bidding these days But turns out my head got the better of my and brought me to this place Off with my head I wanna say But I promised people and said okay It’s just really overwhelming Guess it’s all about the right timing I don’t have that much patience Cuz I’m sick of waiting and waiting till I don’t have a single pence
AM I CUT OUT FOR IT
Poetry / by enthusiasticBeach8170
Last post
 May 20th
...See more Am I really not cut out for it  Maybe it is the stress building up bit by bit  Or doubt which wants to launch a coup in my heart and head  Now I just tend to stay awake on the bed  My thoughts spiraling back to the same thing  Am I really not cut out for it , that phrase has ring  It genuinely terrifies me where I'm headed to  But as of now my heart, my mood , my head and my day are all really blue  I cry for no reason  My thought right now is if leaving this place is actually committing treason But what if I'm not really cut out for it  The yarn like doubts keep coming in and now everything is so tight knit  Now I'm not only doubting my career choices  But also my life as is 
I MISS HER
Poetry / by enthusiasticBeach8170
Last post
 May 20th
...See more Everytime she says I need a break from you I prepare myself to loose her  Cuz if it weren't for me to *** her off, traumatize her , to get her worried  She would have had a life with a little less stress and a little more calm  I am clingy towards her  I don't let go Maybe it's my fault  Being clingy is genuinly annoying and I know  but I just really hope it isn't too late to say I'm sorry  She says the samethings again and again  No matter how hard I try I just tend to break  like a glass window after the touch of a hammer  but she isn't the hammer here but I am the glass  She is the artist whose tried to make this peice of glass by painting on it  But somewhere in the ends of my  body and soul devoid of heart  I know and I know  That she will return  this feeling doesn't stay for long tho  as time passes by the desperation to speak to her increases  Time is relative she used to say 
FAMILIAR FACES , UNFAMILIAR HEART
Poetry / by enthusiasticBeach8170
Last post
 February 21st
...See more This is my 1st time posting a poem here  Here's my poem,                                    FAMILIAR FACES,AN UNFAMILIAR HEART This place of supposed familiarity  Reeks with unfamiliarity while I dwell in a state of no clarity I entered as human  But everyday leave with even lesser Acumen I loose myself there among all the happy faces  Are they really happy? I question while at my midnight paces I try and join with people there  But about me they have the least care   In that place I'm like Oil on soup  My tries of getting out subside as my face starts to droop At the end of the day it's fine I learn   Cuz I become one of those faces even though my heart shrivels due to a scorching burn With hopes of finding comfort in this familiar yet unfamiliar place  I enter and leave with a joyous straight face                                                                   
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