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easyOak7689
3,723 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts83 Forum posts62 Forum upvotes56 Current upvotes56 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceDecember 3, 2017
Recent forum posts
Feel like I'm losing myself a bit
Anxiety Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 June 25th, 2023
...See more Been in therapy for a while, things've gone downhill just very fast and literally have no clue how to do anything about it. Sorry if that sounds vague, or if I'm rambling in this thing but I'm just so unclear and everything is so clouded. Like, I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore makes sense. How do I know if I'm just overreacting, stuck in a loop, or if it's something genuine I'm struggling with? (Case in point, I've had a therapist but things went awry. Then the office which I was signed up with (and whom I really like the attitude of their site) offered me a new therapist but things went just so chaotic with my old therapist also the closure that I'm not sure I want to continue? But on the other hand I can see another therapist working. But the whole thing felt soooo bizarrely handled that I'm not even sure) Sorry if this is a ramble I'm just feeling like I have no idea anymore. Am just struggling to make sense of what I want and things going completely haywire in therapy (isn't it supposed to be a calming place??) doesn't really help.
Feel terrible about my therapy
Anxiety Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 July 12th, 2023
...See more Hey all, So I've been in therapy since the beginning of this year and I just don't really know what to feel anymore and it is so frustrating so I thought I'd try and post about it here Basically, I've been in therapy for a few months and it was great, I was improving etc. However, a few weeks ago I asked my therapist after a session in a direct message whether she could call me since something left me really triggered (all our contact is covered by insurance). I noted in my message it could wait but that I was feeling really triggered She called me, but felt a little bit angry? She was a lot shorter in her replies, which I chalked up to her just being busy. However, at the end of the telephone convo (the things she said put me at ease about the issue taht triggered me) she said that "I shouldn't take it personal if she didn't have time to call me next time" and also "that she hoped I'd develop more trust so we could talk about my topics during therapy hours instead of outside" (the trust comment referred to that I have low trust due to previous experience completely separate from this therapy) The above 2 comments left me flustered afterwards and I feel like they really hurt me. I feel hurt because I noted in my initial comment that the issue could wait until next session, so I'm not sure why she said that comment about talking during therapy hours instead of outside of therapy hours. We talked about it next session and she said I should determine when I message her the urgency which again hurt me because I feel like I already did so. I asked her why she called me when my message stated it wasn't urgent and she said she wasn't sure she could go by my words since she hasn't known me for that long (which makes me feel like she didn't trust the words in my initial message). We've talked about it since but I feel so stuck in the issue. She said she wasn't angry on the phone. Also, she says that she can accept we both have our own respective experiences in this and wants to explore my reaction but meanwhile I still feel unsecure since the exchange caught me off guard so much. I really am not sure how to continue since we talked about it since in a number of sessions but it comes back to "you had your experience in this, I had mine" and I feel 0 validation in being hurt by the exchange. It frustrates me to no end since she's been great otherwise and helped me so much in the first few months of therapy but I have no idea how to proceed since I simply don't feel that secure as long as this is left in the air. Not sure if I'm looking for advice but if any person has any I'll gladly take it. There was other stuff that made me slightly awkward (she seemed insecure about contact outside of session before when she called ME and seemed insecure but I dismissed it back then as a character quirk) but I find this so difficult. More than anything I wish she'd just say something like "o yea I was a bit pressured for time so you may have picked up on that" or "I realize I may have been a little bit too direct in expressing myself but you did well to send your message" but I'm not getting anything in that direction. Not sure if that is too much to ask but the whole thing bugs me endlessly and I just needed to vent
Completely out of touch with my friend
Friendship Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 May 24th, 2023
...See more So I have a friend I've hung out with for a good 20+ years and since last year things have just felt like a mess It started last year during the summer when I noticed him being absent more and not really initiating contact to hang out (previously we'd hang out every week). I kind of took it personal and was hurt but later learned apparently he had beef with another friend which cause him to be withdrawn (no idea why he didn't tell me). In my frustration I responded less to his apps but didn't drop communications, just kept to myself Fast forward to this year. I felt a lot better given I was in therapy and it was going great so I started hanging out with our mutual group of friends again. It seemed cool but whenever I asked him to hang out again he just seemed a lot more aloof? Sometimes he'd respond but it felt reaaaally difficult to get in touch and often he'd not respond or just respond at the last minute which was frustrating A few weeks ago I called him to kind of talk about it. I was already just feeling *** situation but though as a last ditch effort I'd just call him and explain how I felt. I told him I felt really bad about my actions last year (being more withdrawn) and apologized and he seemed enthusiastic. He didn't really comment on his actions which kind of made me feel bad but hey at least it was a step in the right direction Problem is it's been another 2 months since and I still feel like he's leaving me hanging a lot of the time. Last Wednesday might've been the worst of them: he DM'ed me telling me he got a new guitar part and whether I wanted to come hang out with him and jam a bit (I play guitar he plays bass). We had played music together and I was up so I mentioned to him sure. He DM'ed me back saying he was available from thu-sunday so I said I could hang out on friday/saturday but as soon as I said he dropped communications again It felt kind of hurtful. Today, in a mutual group chat we are in, he answered to another person asking to hang out tomorrow only he'd interpreted it that they ask today (saturday) instead of tomorrow (sunday). He said he could hang out today and meanwhile still hasn't answered my DM which I know he read wednesday which just makes me feel really bad. At this point I'm not sure what to do. I feel bad about my actions last year but apologized and don't know what else to say. I'm not sure he's angry or what else but his behavior like the last example just seems so erratic and I noticed just feeling really bad and ignored. I could call him again but I feel like at this rate I'm just calling him over and over and am not sure what else to say. Tips, advice? I've known him for such a long time but it just feels like crap being treated liked this and I'm halfway there just to let him known I've appreciated our good moments but the current situation is not working for me. I just feel horrible about the whole thing
Dealing with trauma
Trauma Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 March 19th, 2021
...See more Hey everyone, ever since an event last year I've been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety and just feel very vulnerable all the time. I had some EMDR which helped a lot but I couldn't go any further with the therapist that helped me and ever since I left there a few months ago things have been getting worse again. I feel miserable & most of all feel this terrible pain in my chest all the time, literlly as if someone stabbed me in the heart with a knife (I am physically fine). Has anyone dealt with stress/traumatic events on their own? I am looking to find a new therapist but I tried another therapist recently and I didn't feel safe with him so I'm going to look for a new one. Has anyone here managed to deal with trauma/stress on their own, if so what has helped you? I try physical exercise (jogging) but are there other things people have found helped them on here to deal with that? I feel so terrible at the time and just want to deal with this and hopefully get on with my life.
Mentally blocking all the time
Anxiety Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 April 7th, 2021
...See more Hey guys, does anyone have any problems with mentally blocking all the time? I experience it with 95% of people I see but also online even a lot where I know what I wanna say but the words won't come out or hit the page and I just get frustrated. Can anyone relate? Can't ever speak my mind and it's killing me
How do you guys deal with this?
Depression Support / by easyOak7689
Last post
 February 27th, 2021
...See more Hey guys, I have a question I'm curious as to whether you guys can relate. Basically, I've been walking around with some stuff that feels like it's living its own life. There's a number of issues amongst now also jobless and socially anxious that have been going on for so long it's become this constancy that I never or rarely talk about because it's been going on for so long and it's so pervasive, what left to tell? Like, I'm socially anxious all the time too, so whenever someone asks "how was your day" I just skim over the fact that I probably spend like 5 hours at work in mental anxiety and stress and felt horrible and just answer "just another day" or tell something that may've happened that I didn't care about half as much as feeling miserable or something or another. I hate this, because it creates these superweird situations like where I go on vacation (was supposed to go with only 2 guys but 1 guy tagged along who I didn't know which is enough to just make me extremely anxious all the time) and had a horrible time being anxious 90% of the time but when people ask I just can't tell them because all my answers would default to the same stuff so I hide all my misery all the time but it makes me feel so disconnected because I can only so rarely be truthful Can anyone relate? I feel so weird only so rarely talking about what I actually experience b/c it's all the same and I just hate living this double life where I have to hide everything all the time b/c I don't want to spread my personal problems and misery around all the time
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