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Se que la gran mayoría de los que están aquí no hablan español, igual no creo que nadie lea esto pero de todas formas espero estén cómodos traduciendo.
Soy alguien que desde pequeño se a sentido desconectado con todo, de el mundo como consigo mismo, era bastante distraído casi como un retrasado, no era consiente de lo que ocurria a mi alrededor y solo quería amigos, personas que me comprendieran y acompañaran, cosa que ahora me hace falta. Hoy me doy cuenta de muchas cosas, de tantas que parece que mi cerebro va apagándose de forma gradual, como si ignorará los mensajes de mi mente y siguiera en su prehistórico procedimiento que personalmente me irrita mucho, antes era lo suficientemente tonto como para no preocuparme por nada y seguir mi vida, parece que entiendo pero no lo guardo, no lo proceso ni lo acepto.
De pequeño sufri mucho por culpa de mi familia, mi padre era alguien de un temperamento fuerte y poca paciencia con los niños, mi madre es una gran mujer y podía siportarlo todo, pese a sus enfermedades y depresión siempre cuido de mi sin descargar su tristeza o malos días en mi, todo lo contrario a mi padre que parecía verme como un trozo de mierda con el que no quería hacer una conexión padre e hijo. No lo puedo llegar a culpar pero tan solo era un pequeño, solo buscaba su aceptación a base de ser yo mismo, era un hombre que no parecía quererme aunque me espero con ansias 9 meses, ocultaba su persona bajo su gorra negra, el visor de su gorra parecía el picó de un cuervo, o eso es a lo que me recuerda su sombría apariencia, botas negras, una barba de chivo y una mirada que no parecía ser de el. Solía tener una gran melena pero con el paso del tiempo se fue quedando calvo, temo que eso me ocurra, temo a ser como el y no se porque, hoy siento grandes impulsos de golpear y de desquitarse feroz mente, como el solía hacer por casi cualquier cosa.
Me e dedicado constantemente al estudio de como funciona la mente humana y como responde a siertos estimulos exteriores como interiores, me a apasionado esto no se desde cuandoy e pensado en estudiar algo relacionado con esto, me gustaría saber como es que el cerebro humano funciona y se desarrolla a lo largo de nuestras vidas, yo siempre e creído que cada swrebro es un libro y un mundo difícil de conocer en su totalidad, que vale la pena leer e investigar aunque resulte en algo más tétrico. Nisiquiera nosotros nos dedicamos a leernos y juzgarnos por nuestra cuenta, quien más lo hará? , quien nos salvará de nosotros mismos y asegurarnos de que estamos escribiendo lo correcto en el momento indicado?, quiero saber que somos y porque lo somos, ver el porque de cada arruga de nuestro cerebro y que oculta en ellas, quien o que deja ver una persona al desnudo. Es aterrador pensar que somos los animales más inteligentes que existen sobre la tierra, que tenemos la capacidad de la conciencia, de ser conscientes de lo que hacemos es más como un poder, como estar todo el tiempo viendo una película, nuestra película y analizándolo a cada paso que damos, lastimosamente existe mucha gente que aunque sabe que hizo algo, no sabe el porqué, o cuando, o tam siquiera presto atención al caso. La conciencia es la maldición que se nos otorgó como humanos para ser y crecer como personas, el observar cada aliento que damos, cada vez que lloramos o reímos se hace acto de presencia el ser conscientes de cuestionarnos esa acción, que aunque sea agotador es el arte más hermoso y la forma más sana de vivir así veas un cadáver totalmente descuartizado, la reacción es lo que te hace tu, lo que te hace una persona en el mundo tan cúbico y ensimismado en el que vivimos.
Para no perdernos en este vomito vamos a dar una simple afirmacion: se han dado cuenta que a las personas les encanta hablar y hablar de sus vidas pero no les gusta escuchar a los demás?
Eso es una afirmación que hice por medio de la observación y la experiencia, al observar mi cerebro mando esa información a mi mente para así por varios proceso y paseos por el cerebro, pudiera darle un sentido, mi sentido a esa afirmación y llegar a ella , como dicen " polvo eres y en polvo te convertiras" , somos alinicio y volveremos a ser al final.
Recuerdo que mi madre siempre me defendía de mi padre, de sus golpes y regaños por ser algo dormido, por no procesar con rapidez lo que se me presentaba frente a mi, me era difícil actuar bajo presión si en realidad no entendía algo, sencillamente mi padre me castigaba severamente o solo me dejaba con ese sentimiento de haberlo decepcionado, incluso me esmeraba mucho para sacar buenas notas en el colegio pata mostrárselas a él, aunque supiera que ni siquiera me daría una felicitación y diría que "era mi obligacion" , tal vez solo busco el porque era así conmigo. Solo necesito dormir mejor
Translated:
I know that the vast majority of those who are here do not speak Spanish, maybe I don't think anyone reads this but I hope they are comfortable translating.
I am someone who since I was a child has felt disconnected from everything, from the world as with myself, I was quite distracted almost like a retard, I was not aware of what was happening around me and I just wanted friends, people who understood me and accompanied me, which I need now. Today I realize many things, so many that it seems that my brain is gradually shutting down, as if it ignores the messages of my mind and continues in its prehistoric procedure that personally irritates me a lot, before I was foolish enough not to worry about anything and continue my life, it seems that I understand but I don't keep it, I do not process it or accept it.
As a child I suffered a lot because of my family, my father was someone with a strong temper and little patience with children, my mother is a great woman and could endure everything, despite her illnesses and depression she always took care of me without unloading her sadness or bad days on me, quite the opposite of my father who seemed to see me as a piece of shit with whom I did not want to make a father connection and son. I can't blame him but he was just a little boy, I was just looking for his acceptance by being myself, he was a man who didn't seem to love me although he waited anxiously for 9 months, he hid his person under his black cap, the visor of his cap looked like a crow's bite, or that's what his gloomy appearance reminds me of, black boots, a goatee, and a look that didn't seem to be his. He used to have a big mane but with the passage of time he went bald, I'm afraid that will happen to me, I'm afraid of being like him and I don't know why, today I feel great impulses to hit and get even fiercely, as he used to do for almost anything.
I have been constantly dedicated to the study of how the human mind works and how it responds to certain external and internal stimuli, I have been passionate about this I do not know since when and I have thought about studying something related to this, I would like to know how the human brain works and develops throughout our lives, I have always believed that each book is a book and a world difficult to know in its entirety, which is worth reading and researching even if it results in something more gloomy. Not even we dedicate ourselves to reading and judging ourselves on our own, who else will? , who will save us from ourselves and make sure that we are writing the right thing at the right time?, I want to know what we are and why we are, to see the why of each wrinkle in our brain and what hides in them, who or what a naked person lets us see. It is terrifying to think that we are the most intelligent animals that exist on earth, that we have the capacity of consciousness, to be aware of what we do is more like a power, like being all the time watching a movie, our movie and analyzing it at every step we take, unfortunately there are many people who although they know that they did something, he does not know why, or when, or he did not even pay attention to the case. Conscience is the curse that was granted to us as humans to be and grow as people, to observe every breath we take, every time we cry or laugh it makes an appearance to be aware of questioning that action, which although it is exhausting is the most beautiful art and the healthiest way to live even if you see a corpse totally dismembered, The reaction is what makes you you, what makes you a person in the cubic and self-absorbed world in which we live.
In order not to get lost in this vomit we are going to give a simple statement: have you noticed that people love to talk and talk about their lives but they do not like to listen to others?
That is a statement that I made through observation and experience, by observing my brain I send that information to my mind so that through various processes and walks through the brain, I could give a meaning, my meaning to that statement and reach it, as they say "dust you are and into dust you will become", We are at the beginning and we will be again at the end.
I remember that my mother always defended me from my father, from his beatings and scolding for being somewhat sleepy, for not quickly processing what was presented in front of me, it was difficult for me to act under pressure if I did not really understand something, my father simply punished me severely or just left me with that feeling of having disappointed him, I even tried very hard to get good grades at school to show them to him, even if he knew that he would not even give me a congratulation and would say that "it was my obligation", maybe he just looked for why it was like that with me. I just need to sleep better
