monstly on a break/sur une pause de repos plupart de temps
connect now and browse listeners is under "chats"

Here to listen 
J'entends qu'il n'y a pas assez des auditeurs francophone disponibles. J'essaye mon meillure avec mon français écorché quand il est dificile a trouver un auditeur francophone. :)




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this is not a replacement of therapy or being in a DBT program. These are from what I read up on.
Dialectical Behaviorial Therapy (DBT)Skills: Emotional Management
Everyone encounters difficult issues in life.  DBT skills are very versatile and applicable in any life situation. We can all benefit from learning some dbt skills to choose the best course of action. We all have the ability to make the best of any circumstance. We are all capable of handling difficult situations, because we all have that strength inside of us. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. These skills take time to hone and practice, so do not feel bad if it does not work right away for you. Keep on trying :)

BRIEF INTRO
Dbt has five modules: 

Core Mindfulness
Distress Tolerance
Emotional Regulation
Interpersonal Effectiveness
Walking the Middle Path



Core Mindfulness

"In today's rush, we all think too much- seek too much- want too much- and forget the joy of just being." (Eckehart Tolle) 

Humans naturally struggle in the dynamics of life. Core mindfulness is a way you can take back control over your emotions, and your thoughts.

Our 3 minds:  rational, emotional, and wise mind


The rational mind only focuses on the facts and logic, whereas the emotional mind only focuses on your emotions.
 
Rational mind:
 
They know that they have to go shovel the snow, even though they are in a terrible headspace at the moment and they are very drained. But they know for a fact they have to shovel the snow, so they force themselves to do it anyway and feel horrible afterwards.
 
Emotional mind:
 
Someone in the same situation might listen to only their emotions instead. They know they have to shovel the snow or it will get slippery or overloaded. But right now they are feeling very drained and very low. They just want to stay in and watch netflix, so they do just that instead, But the next morning they struggle getting to work.
 
These two minds both have consequences, as it does not take care of the full picture. Rational mind does not take care of emotions. And emotional mind does not take care of the factual situation.
 
Somebody using wise mind might think this: I know there is snow. I know I am tired and feeling low. But I also know music makes me feel better, and that I can ask my partner to help me. I can listen to music to help with my stress while shoveling the snow. And once the task is taken care of I will reward myself with netflix
 
This takes care of both the situation, and your emotional well-being.  This is applicable in everyday scenarios, or difficult situations. You can also make a list of pros and cons when weighing any set of choices. 

Example 2:
I think this scenario can resonate with many of us- there is a stack of homework taunting us on our desk. It has been a long day, and we are drained. 

Rational Mind
You push through all the work and you become more and more weary and overwhelmed. You work until late at night and you are miserable.

Consequence: You are pushed to you limits and you are having multiple panic attacks with your leftover energy. You have burnt out.This is affecting your mental health negatively, and with all of this stress you are finding it difficult to efficiently work. You barely salvage enough energy for tomorrow.

Emotional mind
You decide you are so fed up with your day, that you are going to watch online videos and completely neglect the homework.
Consequence: you won't have work to hand in for marks, this will affect your learning and school career negatively.

Wise mind:
You acknowledge both your emotional and situational needs. You know you need to take care of your mental health, as well as your work. You then make a plan that satisfies both needs:
-you will bring snacks to motivate yourself, for example, for each chapter you finish, you feed yourself one snack.
-you will use music to help with your stress
-you validate yourself for doing this task despite being fatigued
-you take breaks and make sure you stay hydrated and energized. This can happen as frequently as needed according to how tired you are feeling that day.

Visualizer of our 3 minds: 

Try this: 
Think back at a time when you were using emotional mind, rational mind, and wise mind. Now, think of one thing that is bothering you, and how you can use your wise mind to conquer it.


Mindfulness Excercises
there is an app called headspace. you can download it, it's simple, easy, and proven to be beneficial for people diagnosed with mental illness and people not having severe mental illness alike. mindfulness is focusing on the present, and putting our worries aside. This means to simply observe your present surrounding, with no judgement, labeling, or thinking about it- just processing it's existence. For example:

This is a banana. It is on your kitchen table. You see it. It's smooth. It's yellow. It's resting. It is not moving.

do not try to for eg. 
-label/judge: "this banana looks gross" or "bananas tastes bad"...etc. 

Simply just notice the banana.

You can even try practicing this when you are on the bus, or walking to get groceries, or even listening to music. Notice your sensory input, and that's it, you're already doing great. Stop there, and don't go any further. Do not allow your mind to wander, focus on only one thing at once. Forget about the laundry, or the dishes for just this moment until your mind is recentered, and gains the serenity it needs to tackle those issues later.

Getting unstuck
It happens to all of us. Sometimes we lose motivation and interest in life. This can come back when your mental health is better. Though, some positive words can inspire that innate ability to seize the day already inside you- you just need the energy and confidence to unlock it. A key concept of mindfulness is accepting where you are right now, and looking up towards all you can achieve. It is hard to see this at times, but life is falling down and getting up. Remember that progress is progress no matter how slow or fast. Every little bit counts and sooner than later you will reap the benefits. One person who inspires me every day is artist Mariusz Kędzierski. You can find him on social media or online. He was born without hands, and still achieved hyperrealism. His drawings never cease to amaze me: 




just know, that we all have the potential to do anything, waiting to be unlocked. with time, we can be capable of anything. negativity is the only thing weighing down, because, remember, progress is progress. think of newtons third law: Newton's third law states that every action has a reaction of equal force. ... This law shows that the forces acting on a pendulum can cancel each other. Physicists use Newton's first, second and third laws to prove the horizontal string tension moves the pendulum without regard to mass or gravity. cause and effect, work never goes to waste

or even the advancement of mankind throughout time.

some times all you need is a little momentum to keep going

know for a fact that you can achieve anything.

we are born without limits.

and if anybody ever makes you feel inferior, this is another fact: we are all equal. we all have the potential to be anything. everyone deserves a place in society, not just the one best person. we can all grow and help each other achieve anything, through preserverance and teamwork.

Distress Tolerance
Pain is an unfortunate fact of life. Having lived means having conquered.
This module helps us tolerate temporary pain. We may not have control over the emergence of a crisis, though there are still ways to tolerate. 
These skills may take time to master, hope is not lost as it can take time. Identify when you are in a crisis, and keep reminding yourself to use these skills to calm down.


STOP skill. 

Stop. Do not react. Just stop! Freeze! Do not move a muscle! Your emotions may make you act without thinking. Stay in control!
Take a step back. Step away. Take a break. Let go. Sometimes even just physically taking one step back helps.
Observe. Notice what is going on inside and outside you. What is the situation? What are your thoughts and feelings? What are others saying or doing?
Proceed mindfully. Act with awareness. Consider your thoughts and feelings, the situation, other people's thoughts and feelings. Ask Wise Mind: which actions will make it better or worse?
(Some pieces taken from DBT skills training handouts and worksheets, second edition by Masha M. Lineman)


Wise Mind ACCEPTS
A- Activities. These can be anything/what you personally enjoy, e.g; listening to music, watching a show, writing, reading, sports, taking a shower, talking, a nature walk, folding a paper boat, cooking, emailing, boardgames, planning a dream vacation, learning something new, etc.
C- Contribute. Giving your time for others is an empowering feeling. These can be simple gestures of contribution, e.g; housework (the dishes, cleaning the floor, helping unload groceries, the laundry,...) helping someone with their homework, donating things you don't need, volunteering, signing petitions, or even just smiling at a stranger, etc.
C- Compare. Our emotions can pigeonhole our sight into everything that is "wrong" with the present. Compare yourself to a difficult time your overcame, or your past self and how you improved. Another take one this skill is comparing yourself to the less fortunate, though it may not work for everyone as it can cause feelings of guilt/sadness. 
E- Emotions. Create new emotions, e.g; watching cute videos, watching a funny/emotional/inspirational TV show, lit music, getting up when you are sad, reading an article, going out when you feel like hiding, looking at the awkward/funny way pigeons walk, etc.
P- Pushing away. "Push the painful emotional out your mind temporarily. Leave the situation mentally by moving your attention and thoughts away; build an emotional wall between you and the situtuation. Put the pain in a box and a shelf for a whilie." (DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents by Jill H. Rathus and Alec L. Miller.) One exercise is to imagine your pain as a locked luggage on a passing train. You can always go back to examine/work through the emotion, but for now let it pass.
T- Thoughts. Replace your thoughts. e.g; doing a puzzle, playing checkers, doing something strenous such as math homework, looking for all blue things in your sight, counting the lights in the room (including things like the light from a microwave), etc.
S- Sensations. Amplify other sensations. e.g; going outside, holding/chewing ice, hot/warm showers, being under a fluffy blanket, doing physical activity, feeling spinach leaves, playing with sand, etc.

Radical Acceptance and Willingness. 
Accept the reality of things you can't choose. Then be willing to work with reality. 
TURNING THE MIND step by step.
1. Obseve you are not accepting. Look for anger/bitterness: "Why me?", "It's not fair", "This is such b-llsh-t!"
2. Make an inner commitment to accept reality as it is.
3. Do it again over and over, bring yourself back to acceptance every time you approach a fork in the road.
4. Develop a plan for catching yourself when you fade out of acceptance in the future.
PROS AND CONS


TIPP your body chemistry.
T- temperature. Change your temperature, e.g; a cold towel on your neck, holding ice cubes, a hot/cold shower, jumping in the snow, etc.
I- intense excercise. Expend your body's energy. 
P- paced breathing. Breath in your belly 4 seconds, exhale for 7. 
P- progressive muscle relaxation. Tense up your muscles, then relax them. Notice how it feels. Do them in sections from head to toe. You could also pair this with your paced breathing by tensing your belly muscles as you draw in breaths, and relaxing your belly muscles as your release the breath.

IMPROVE the moment.
I- imagery. imagine calming serene scenes of e.g. nature, or painful emotions flowing out from a pipe.
M- meaning. create meaning from the pain. lemonade from lemons.
P- prayer. pray to your wise mind. or a supreme higher being.
R- relaxation of your muscles.
O- one thing in the moment. focus your entire attention on what you are doing right now.
V- vacation. give yourself a brief vacation, take a walk, go for food, and unplug yourself.
E- encouragement. encourage yourself. repeat to yourself over and over self affirmations."I can do it!"

Additional skills:
The CBT Triangle

:

We all have this thinking cycle, you can take a look at the image and come back to read the rest of this passage.

Our thoughts affect our feelings, which in turn affect our actions: this cycle can go in any order. For example your feelings can affect your behavior which affects your thoughts, and vice versa. All three directly affect each other.
 
When you are behaving unfavorably, you can target one of those pillars in the thought cycle to break the circuit.
 
For example,
sometimes susan thinks “I am ugly”. This makes her sad. And it makes her cry and eat ice cream.
 
ifshe targets one of those pillars, she can stop the circuit and make herself feel better. For example, if susan challenges the thought that she is ugly, and thinks, “there is nothing wrong with me”, or “even if I was ugly I do not value being beautiful and I will not care to keep people in my life who judge me for being ugly.” She now feels more assured and can move on from harsh feelings. Now Susan will not cry or binge on icecream. She feels more confident in herself, and gives herself the love she deserves.

Try this
Think back to a time where you were feeling an uncomfortable emotion. Analyse what was going on in your mind. Now, try observing how you are feeling in the moment. Practise being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.


Actively Controling Your Emotions

It happens. Things happen suddenly and suddenly our emotions are fired up- as they are the fuel to our passion and our action. We are all human. We have all experienced emotions intensely, whether it be despair, fear, frustration, love...etc.

One thing you could try when you are experiencing some strong emotions:
 
1. Identify what emotion(s) you are feeling. Are you physically feeling tense? Are you feeling weak in your body? Label your emotion (whether it be sadness, frustration, fear, etc.)
 
2. Understand the cause of these emotions- why are you feeling this way? For example, say your cat tore your favorite sweater, it would be understandable to feel upset and angry. You are feeling this way because your cat ruined something important. And now you can't wear your favorite sweater.
 
3. Decide what would be the appropriate way to react. Should you yell at the cat? Should you just sew the sweater? This is all completely depending on the scenario and your choice. Weigh the pros and cons everytime you are faced with any dilemna. You can either choose the best course of action, or you can distract yourself from the emotion, and move on.
 
Sometimes just observing your emotions and studying them can help you understand the situation more clearly, and help you make decisions to the best of your capability.

Diffusing difficult feelings:

A biologically and scientifically proven way to calm our nervous system down is breathing exercises.

Here is a visualizer:



Emotions stem from our internal observations, so maybe you could try centering your attention towards external observations. We can do this by stimulating our sensory input. A common one is noticing

5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can smell
2 things you can touch
and
1 thing you can taste.

Everyone has their own techniques which works for them. Some people like figet toys. Some people like blowing as many bubbles as they can in one breath, as it slows their breathing. This will take a process of trial and error.
Try this:
Think back to a time when you experienced a strong emotion. How would you react using these steps?

Sometimes a combination of all of these can help us navigate the tough currents of life. Whatever happens, know you are equipped with tools and people to support you. You that you are the expert on you- and in the end you are the only one who has the power to help yourself, because if there is anybody who can get through your life, well that would be you! :) go get it champ! <3