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deppressednoone6
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMarch 31, 2021
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Improvements....but they hurt
Trauma Support / by deppressednoone6
Last post
 May 5th, 2021
...See more My dad is gone. I blocked him. I'm gonna try and stay away from him. And that side of the family. My 16th is coming up and I dont want any of my dads side of the family to be there.. ..or my moms side. Only my brothers and my gma (moms side). I just stayed up talking to my (adopted) mom all night talking about everything.... it's all off my chest. Recently my uncle pulled me down to his lap with I went to hug him and when I got up ....he pulled me back down. And melissa his gf was sitting right there saw it all. And just was smiling and sitting there. While he drunckly was talking to me. Then when I got up he tired to come but me again and I backed away and he got closer and I pushed him away and said NO *insert name* I told all my family about it. Them all. Bc they are all chomos. Literally. Besides two of my uncles. On my dad side. Anyways. Now that it's out there I can starting the healing process. I've had grief. Anger. Way to many sleepless night. No sleep. To much sleep. Hatreddddd. So much more. But....its all good. My anxiety is really really high right now. But I'm gonna work on school and get back to normal.
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Why?
Trauma Support / by deppressednoone6
Last post
 April 4th, 2021
...See more Why must I act like everything is okay ? Why must I have to live with him everyday? Why do I have put on a smile everyday when I dont wanna smile? Just to give everyone that satisfaction? Just because they dont wanna actually ask what's wrong and help me get the help I need.... There are people with worse traumatic experiences than me, and I feel for them....I wish I could reach out and give everyone a hug. But just because I'm not going through it all now....doesnt mean i still dont sleep at night bc I dont wanna dream about hearing him scream at me and yet again yell at me that I'm nothing. Nothing. So I ask again why ? Why must I have to see him everyday
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My dad and his addiction.( comment but domt judge there's even more that I haven't said)
Trauma Support / by deppressednoone6
Last post
 April 2nd, 2021
...See more So from a young age my dad hasn't been in my life really. Hes been in and out. Mostly out. Hes a drug addict along with my mom. I guess I should start from the start right? When I was a baby my dad didnt think I was his and wasn't there when I was birthed. Which messes with me. My mom was 15 when she had me and my dad was 18 at the time. But they kept me. Both sides were/ are drug addicts and in low poverty. So I didnt have much of a chance for a good life either. So when. I was in 2nd grade my dad left but before that he would leave for a week or a few days and then come back and it was normal. My mom and him fought a lot. Then came along my baby brother and my dad loved him so much until he left when. I was in 2nd. My dad caught my mom with my stepdad who's also a druggie and a drunk. We ended up getting kicked out bc he left dope out and the landlordcame. So we had to live with my grandma. It was even worse there. Roaches...thousands and thousands. ALL CLOTHES, AND SHOES AND SOCKS came from Facebook marketplace. Toys to. I never had new stuff growing up. One pair of shoes per 2 years. Or per year. I had two guy friends growing up both boys that's it. Then my mom started getting horrible around 4th grade so dad took us. It was better but he was worse. At least mom wasn't around and left us with gma. He was around and would hit my brother and say the most awful things. and threaten us even if is was the small stuff. he never hit me but he would choke me against a wall... as I got older he told me more. More and more abkut.drugs and how he does and did them. and when he did have a house his friends would come over and stare at me so I would stay in my room 100 percent of the time. And from 3rd-7th his bad Amelia would have me and my brother off and on. I moved back and fourth a lot to. And I forgot to mention but my baby brother with my stepdad. He is my moms kid so that makes him my half brother. He got taken away from my gma when he was 7 and then his adopted family had him for two years and gave up on him and another family has him now. not to mention my dad would come over to my aunts I lived with her in 8th-9th and he would come over at 6am or 6:30 ! And tell me how he just od and he would be high as jesus of course. and be crying on my waking me up from a dead sleep. or he would come in and yell at me. now when I get woken up by any other person ever I cry and can't stop until I realize it's my brother or sister or whatever
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