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decisivePal3541
1 1,767 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 1, 2022
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I don't know what is wrong.
Eating Disorder Support / by decisivePal3541
Last post
 November 9th, 2024
...See more I know this might be to specific, but I'd like a response from anyone who can relate. I'm a sensitive person who gets stressed easily. I think I was born stressed at this point. I hate it. I just moved to a new city for college and to be honest, I'm falling apart. It is a big city and everything is great. It sounds weird because I wrote I was falling apart, right? I have meet great people, I got into college I have always wanted and everyone supports me but I'm a mess. Little bit of a back story, I self harmed for 5 years, no one knew. I also struggle with food but you can't tell all of that when you look at me, outside I seem so happy. I'm doing so much better then I did a few months ago but I feel like my heart can't take it anymore. I get fast heartbeats pretty often and when they pass I feel so drained. Sometimes they last a whole day and I can't control them by deep breathing. They come when I'm stressed but I'm always stressed. I get overstimulated al the time because I have so much things to do. I'm so tired and I'm scared that my depressive episodes will come back. I don't know how to control all the stress anymore. My head knows I'm okay and I'm doing great but my heart is sh!t, it gets fast all the time, even loud noises triggers it. I don't think I have anxiety though. Can someone relate?
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Hi. Just a little venting 😊
Eating Disorder Support / by decisivePal3541
Last post
 October 21st, 2024
...See more Hi everyone. I'm new to this ED thing. I just want to share my story. I have been bullied my whole life for being fat, which led me to hate myself and I started hurting myself. It went on for 5 years and I was so good at faking happiness so nobody would find out what I was doing. It has gotten worse over the years. Last year things had gotten better, I fully recovered from self harm. I lost a lot of weight. People started treating me differently, boys were attracted to me, I was more confident and was feeling so good about myself, I started loving myself. As all those good stuff kept growing, do did the fear of getting back to my old weight, I feel sick even thinking about it because I don't want to feel like that ever again. I don't want to hate myself like I used to, because to be perfectly honest, I would not have survive this time. In order to keep my current weight I started purging intentionally after meal. I thought it's okay because I only purged unhealthy food... It's not, it's so wrong, my whole body hurts. I hate it, but I hate going back to hating myself even more. I'm scared, non of my friends or family knows about this and I don't wanna worry them because they can't help or understand, I have to deal with it on my own. I now I'm strong and that I can do it because I survived worse, but I still feel so alone and scared. Keep trying to help yourself guys, I'm so proud of all of you!❤️
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