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decisiveGrapefruit2012
622 M Embraced 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceOctober 22, 2023
Recent forum posts
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What I remember about my ex-husband
Grief & Loss / by decisiveGrapefruit2012
Last post
 October 24th, 2023
...See more I remember you sitting in your armchair in our flat, legs crossed, reading. A long embrace in the sitting room on a rainy April day, I lifted my foot up in contentedness. A moment in the kitchen, amongst me cooking, a giggle. Your breaktime from work for a banana and a short chat. I remember timing you going to the bakery opposite, see how fast you could do it. I remember you looking at me through your glasses over your beard. I remember you standing at the window looking out in your tracksuit bottoms. You looked beautiful. I remember how I loved our home. I feel sad these days, but peaceful in my heart. Im beginning to remember and be grateful for what we had and how much more myself I am now in an adult world.
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My body
Eating Disorder Support / by decisiveGrapefruit2012
Last post
 October 25th, 2023
...See more I like being in my body for the first time consistently, in my life. I need to lose weight and I want to lose weight and feel able to cope with the possibility of attention I don't want. My body is mine but other people have always commented on it. I don't like the positive or negative comments. I'm quite body private. I was sexualised a lot when I was younger and I didn't realise that wasn't what I wanted as a late teen, I thought I was enjoying popularity. I still find it difficult to lose weight because subconsciously I'm pretty sure it's an old, old way I've had of protecting myself against hurt from falling for someone who just wanted sex or from feeling invaded from comments that made me really uncomfortable and the only way I could deal with it was minimising how it made me feel, joining in the banter, becoming a pleaser then getting overweight. Its a lonely place but i felt I knew who was my friend and who was actually interested in me. Now I'm in my forties, I have a habit of comfort eating and a lot of sadness and disappointment to process. But its nice to listen to myself again.
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