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cuppatea0104
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PathStep 14 Compassion hearts95 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceApril 20, 2023
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Where to begin?
Depression Support / by cuppatea0104
Last post
 August 1st, 2023
...See more It was just over a week ago I reached out to the forum and found the right place to tell my story. It's not life changing, but it is mine. Until about 2014 I had one of the easiest lives imaginable. I don't say this to brag, just to acknowledge it. My experiences and battles with trauma could be relegated to the sidelines while others say "Oh poor baby. You think that's bad?" But that's not the kind of place this is. It's the reason I came here to share. If you've ever watched/listened to the Broadway Show In the Heights, you'll understand where I'm coming from pretty quickly. There is a song, Breathe, all about the girl who was gonna do it all. That was me. Top of my class, high ACT score, and learning came easy. I was never a good athlete, but I never missed a game, and my friends on the court knew I was there to support them. I was in marching band, but somehow still popular. I had the love and support of my hometown and I loved and appreciated them for it. I had my pick of colleges; for grad school I moved halfway across the country to get the exact education I wanted. And I exceled. I was the firecracker racing into the sky. I'm not that anymore. I still have the love and support of those around me. But nothing comes easy anymore. I'm not a bright sparkle in the sky. I'm simply the exploded shell. Spent. All the color is burned off and I am fragmented. I'm only just now realizing how long I've been battling demons. In fact, when I started this I thought the starting point was 2019. No. Further back than that. So much time floundering about. I'm learning much of this later than most of you. I didn't know how to pace myself. I had no idea how to tread emotional waters, just keeping my head above the surface. I've always flown; I don't have the skills to be a fish. I'm learning. I am (hopefully) no longer drowning. Sharing myself is an important step. It took me a long time to admit how much I had been hurting. I survived, so "it wasn't that bad." Or "It could have been worse." My body kept track, though. Years of pain piling up inside of me that will no longer be ignored. And so begins the most miserable set of "Once Upon a Times..." Next time, though. Enough sharing for today.
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Trying Something New
Depression Support / by cuppatea0104
Last post
 July 23rd, 2023
...See more Over the last 5 years I have had one thing after another happen. In that same amount of time I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Long Covid, CFS/ME, Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia, Asthma, Depression, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and more. There's growing evidence that the continued symptoms are tied to the continued stress and "little-t" trauma that I was shouldering. My body is stuck in "fight-flight-freeze." I'm working with a few specialist to address acute medical needs and a great OT who is helping me with gentle exercises to move back towards a functional life. However, it has been mentioned multiple times that I would find some relief If I share my story, let myself acknowledge the hard parts, let it move me and let me move on. A good friend knows writing is my creative outlet and suggested that in particular. To protect the privacy of loved ones, I haven't wanted to share on social media, but confidentiality is better protected here. Have I missed the point of this group? I don't want to misuse the resources here. If I need to find a different place, I can. If this is a good place to share, then I will probably share a bit of my story.
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