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courageousFig8305
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 17, 2024
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How bad of an idea is it?
Relationship Stress / by courageousFig8305
Last post
 December 3rd
...See more Hi, I work in a private school at college-level (i.e. all students are between 18 and 23, usually, we've seen some in their 40s) and I've turned 30 this year. There is a students who finished her masters this September after her final defense in front of a jury of professionals and will pick up her diploma during the ceremony that will happen mid-December. I feel like it would be safe to reach out to her and let her know that I have feelings for her. But before you pull out your pitchforks, I'm not doing it with any hope. I've seen her cry after a bad break up 3 years ago, I've seen her try to improve herself to be more desirable by having a gym phase, I saw that her friend groups are mostly men and yet none of them seem to stick with her very long. I remember at one point we we're only four in a room (her, one classmate, my direct higher up (way on the other side of the room), and me) and I can't remember why but she jokingly said "as my mother used to say, smile if you're not pretty" but I think she was seriously phishing for something, neither me nor the classmate reacted much outside of a polite acknowledgement. It seems she's very insecure about her physique. Maybe I have weird tastes, maybe she is extremely attractive in an unusual way, I think it's the later. I had to work closely with her class for two years and we quickly saw that we have quite a lot of tastes in common, namely fashion and music. But not really much more, nothing that could count as flirting. At the end of the first semester of that two year and she had to go away on a year long hiatus because she failed to secure an apprenticeship. At that point, when she went away I saw my days be become dimmer, I missed having her around. Because I highly value deontology and also because I knew I couldn't resist her I went on to avoid her has much as possible, and maybe I overdid it. During class time I'm very proactive and I make sure I go talk to every students to make sure they have no questions unanswered when I let them go through the material I prepared. I only had one such class with her group from when she came back up until the graduation and during that class I went up to every single students in no particular order but her, I though that if there was an order, skipping her would have been too obvious. But near the end of the session I saw her decomposing, on the verge of tears, getting comforted by one of her friend. So now, what I want is to contact her[1] to let her know what I think. My hope is that it comes through as the sincerest compliment I can muster, I want her to know she's worth much more than what she thinks. That's what I want. I don't expect anything beyond that, I feel like I owe her an explanation. I hope she will be happy. I know this is not strictly asking for dating tips, but it seems quite related. [1]: it's going to be through text, I don't think I'll ever have the opportunity to tell her even though I feel ready for that. So, how bad of an idea is that? Should I keep it to myself? How likely is it that I'm going to get ridiculed and labeled as "that weird predatory dude who lust after the students"? Am I going to be more scary than comforting?
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