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convivialPlum6966
5,282 M Moving Along
PathStep 34 Compassion hearts295 Forum posts143 Forum upvotes121 Current upvotes121 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceApril 20, 2015
Bio
I write that is pretty much all I am good at. it gives me purpose and makes me feel like I matter. it is something I can do despite everything else I can't do in life. I spend a lot of time being afraid, doubting myself, the things I do. but my writing gives me hope, confidence, pride. We all need something like that in our lives, something that makes us, us.
Recent forum posts
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More than income.
Disability Support / by convivialPlum6966
Last post
 January 19th, 2019
...See more Not really sure if this is the right place to post this. But as much as I'm hoping no one else feels this it's always nice to know I'm not alone. I live with my parents and brother and sister. The PIPs I get is in my name. And to say the change over from parents getting the money to me getting it wasn't easy is an understatement. Ever since I've been asked to give some of my money to the house, which is fine. What really gets to me is randomly being asked for quite big amounts of money without warning. Like I'm just another source of income for my parents to call on, so they don't have to watch their own finances as much. I get they lost an income when I got my money, my dad when out of his way to try and prevent that at the time, failing obviously. He even tried for claim I wasn't capable of understanding money, which I suppose I've never really forgiven him for. The point is randomly asking me for money makes me feel like I'm only there because of the money. That and a few other reasons are why I still livs at home. I feel like there lives would be a lot easier if I wasn't in it. Apart from they would have less money. I get they need it sometimes. But when there's money issues no attempt is made to sort it and I'm just used as the scapegoat. Anyway now I just sound like a horrible person who doesn't care about her family situations, don't I? I'm sorry for the rant and if this is thenough wrong place to post something like this.
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Family Members as Carers
Family & Caregivers / by convivialPlum6966
Last post
 November 24th, 2017
...See more So I have carers for some of my personal care, but for parts of it and for the rest of the things I need help with my family, mainly my sisters help out. Tonight was my sisters awards evening for school and she wanted me to come, so I did. But that would mean that one of them (I have two sisters) would have to help me to bed, as it would be a late night. So when they have to help me to bed, I become part of the evening to do list. "Lock the doors, make the coffee, help me in bed...". And I'm getting fed up of being part of this list. Needing the help is bad enough you know, feeling like helping me is nothing more than a job that needs to be done, just makes me feel worse. I know that it is, logically, but it still hurts. Makes me feel like I'm nothing you know. Like they don't like having to help me, which in my logical mind I know is true, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. They're my family and I love them, but I just feel so guilty, for what I need them to do. So I should be ok with this, I should be able to deal with the way they feel. They have a right to feel stressed and upset for looking after me, I'm far to much work I know that, but it still hurts. I don't know if I'm making sense, or if I'm overreacting or being selfish. And I just don't know how to cope with this right now, I'm really struggling. I was just wondering if anyone out there who has their family members do some or all of their care, knows how I can cope with this, and the tentions it causes? Or any others that you might have with family as carers, that you might want to talk about. It's all just going round in my head, right now, and I just feel like I'm going a little crazy. I appreciate your reading this, and responding. :)
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I don't want to be told I have depression
Depression Support / by convivialPlum6966
Last post
 November 19th, 2017
...See more Im pretty sure I have depression. Ive had it for a good for years, and I have sort of just broke a real down slump. That I slowly feel I'm falling back into, but that doesnt matter right now. I need help I think. But I dont want to get it. I dont want to be told that I am depressed. That I fit all the stereotypes of being depressed, that I have a right to feel the way I do. I have enough labels, enough people telling me who I should be. Im lost, confused and alone. Overthinking the world around me. Im not even sure if any of this makes any sense.
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EMOTIONAL ABUSE BY PARENTS
Trauma Support / by convivialPlum6966
Last post
 November 10th, 2016
...See more Sometimes I wish they'd hit me, then I'd feel like I wasn't making it up. I don't know if I can hold it together today, I have a hospital appointment with my mum. Falling apart there will only get me in more trouble with them. I don't belong in the family. edited by Rain45 moved to the Trauma Community due to Forum Restructuring
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