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cjt96
553 M Embraced 4
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 5, 2021
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I'm trying to make myself better
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Losing interest in the things I love
Depression Support / by cjt96
Last post
 February 22nd, 2021
...See more My girlfriend left me 5 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and I loved her so much that I wanted to share everything I loved about the world with her. I have loved films all my life and from as far back as I can remember, I always wanted to become a filmmaker, but the older I get, the more that seems like an impossible task. I introduced her to all my favourite films and now I feel like I can't watch them anymore because she won't be there with me. She used to sit and listen to me talk and be really nerdy about it and she would listen for hours and she would actually encourage me and say she was amazed by how passionate I was about something in life. As I grow and my brain evolved in to what it is today, the anger at myself for not achieving my goal grows too. I beat myself up over it and let it get me in to a deep depression, but she was always there to make it better for me and make me excited for my future and now she isn't. We also shared a love of music and whenever we were together, we were always listening to our favourite music together. All the songs I have used to comfort myself over the years are now associated with her. I love her, but I also love music and film and I don't want to spend the rest of my life not indulging in the things I enjoy out of fear that I will just think about her and cry the whole time. I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life on my own because I hate my own company and everything is so much easier with a smiling face on the other side of the room. This is my first time posting so I just wanted to write down what I'm thinking so I'm sorry if any of it is inappropriate and sorry for rambling. I hope everyone has a nice day.
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