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chonamgyulx1
344 M Embraced 3
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2020 Member sinceFebruary 15, 2020
Recent forum posts
i am a coward
Anxiety Support / by chonamgyulx1
Last post
 April 1st, 2020
...See more when people mention anything about money, i feel afraid when i heard someone passing by my door, i feel afraid when i open my instagram and see the notifications for my dm, i feel afraid i keep anticipating shame, humiliation i am a coward
I allow myself to feel anxious, it's magical
Anxiety Support / by chonamgyulx1
Last post
 February 17th, 2020
...See more Hello, I yesterday I was anxious almost all day long and so I tried to do some journaling. I intended it to be more like a diary where I pour out every negative thought, but in the midway I started to realize another thing. I was being mean to myself, by wanting to get rid of this anxiety and pushing myself to be all happy bubbly. With this picture of the "ideal me" in mind, I didn't allow other than perfection. I blamed myself for the circumstances, as well as for being so anxious and fearful. I knew "what should be done" and what "shouldn't", but the more I thought about fixing things, the stronger the anxiety. So I tried to validate my feelings, and wrote this: I think I have the right to feel anxious, mad, depressed, trapped. I have the right to think negatively. I dont blame myself that I am ruminating negative things I dont blame myself for my suffering It all makes sense I have the right to feel suffered Nobody could judge me for my feelings and decisions It makes sense thats Im anxious bcs Im going to study overseas next month and I have little to zero preparation We dont even have the money I have the right to feel anxious for it I am allowed to feel the tightness in my chest and cry out of pain I have the right to blame circumtances and the people around me I am allowed to do that, its not wrong at all, its the right thing to do, it makes perfect sense BUT I am allowed to feel bad. But I wanna feel good. I am allowed to be afraid. But I wanna be brave. I can feel humiliated. But I wanna feel honored. I can feel stuck. But I wanna be free. I can do nothing. But I wanna do something. I am allowed to ruminate. But I wanna only think positive thoughts. I am allowed to blame the circumtances and myself, but I wanna be thankful of circumtances and myself and learn something for it. I can be lazy, but I wanna be passionate and ambitious I am allowed to cry, but I wanna laugh I have the right to hate, but I wanna love I have the right to procrastinate, but I wanna do it now I am allowed to think that I am not enough, but I wanna think I am enough I am allowed to have low confidence, but I wanna trust myself I am allowed to think that I am limited and handicapped, but I wanna think that I am limitless and unstoppable I am allowed to scroll through social media all day long, but I wanna be productive I am allowed to not contribute anything at all, but I want to be someone who makes other lives better I am allowed not to work at all, but I wanna work hard I am allowed to hate myself, but I wanna love myself The moment I finished writing, I felt it kinda freeing, so I'm going to continue doing it. I share it with you guys in case it could help someone.
I'm too lazy and that makes me anxious
Anxiety Support / by chonamgyulx1
Last post
 February 17th, 2020
...See more If I am to evaluate me as a person I would say I'm pretty messed up. Most of the time I have so little energy to do anything at all. My mother complains a lot about me, urging me to be more motivated just like herself. It irks me that I should constantly listen to her complains, but what I hate the most is that I am agreeing with her. Yes, Mom. I am too lazy. I want to be like you. I want to be more motivated. But the more I think about "motivation", the more I don't wanna do anything. I procrastinate a lot. I know I gotta do it NOW, but my body doesn't want to. I feel chained in this body. I come up with thousand of ideas a day, but I never work on them. My head is buzzing with ideas and I can't let them free. I'm too lazy too. That's why I'm anxious. I wanna be a success, but it feels like my body doesn't. I feel like a bird in a cage. She wants to be let free, but the cage is locked. Someone has the key, but that someone is not me. I'm just a locked bird after all. What is wrong with me? :(
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