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charmingZebra76
952 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 19 Compassion hearts86 Forum posts29 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2017 Member sinceNovember 19, 2014
Recent forum posts
Have you ever broken up with someone and had it go well?
Relationship Stress / by charmingZebra76
Last post
 March 3rd, 2017
...See more Hello all. I've made up my mind that I'm breaking up with my girlfriend tomorrow. It's something that I've spent a lot of time thinking about. Bottom line: I don't want to be with her anymore. It's just that, I'm really stressed out about it because this is only the third time I've ever had to break up with someone. The first two times, it was to end abusive relationships. The only script I have for breaking up with people involves abusive behaviors escalating to try to punish me for leaving, then being manipulative and creepy to try to win me back. Although some of her behaviors remind me of my abusive exes, I don't really think that's how it will go. Still, though, I'm afraid, because I don't know for sure. I know she'll be sad. That's pretty reasonable. Best case scenario, she understands where I'm coming from and respects my boundaries. Have any of you ever broken up with someone, and it went reasonably well?
Emotional Abuse Survivor, afraid of falling into old habits
Trauma Support / by charmingZebra76
Last post
 December 21st, 2016
...See more Hello all. I'm starting to worry that the woman I've been dating for the past two months might be emotionally abusive. From the beginning she has seemed kind of clingy, but I liked her enough that it wasn't a problem. Last night I had kind of an ah-hah moment when I noticed that some of her behaviors are kind of manipulative. I stopped by her house after work to drop off some of her things. I told her I didn't have time to hang out, but she kept stalling and trying to get me to stay. She told me about how awful her day was and asked me to help her with some errands she needed to run. I felt bad leaving because I wanted to be there for her, so I decided to stay and help for a little while. I ended up spending two hours with her that I didn't really have. I realized that I had errands I needed to run before I left town for Thanksgiving, but they didn't get done because I was helping her with hers instead. Especially since I told her before I came over that I didn't have time to hang out, I feel like she doesn't respect my time and she walked right through the boundaries I'd set. Here's another example. Last weekend, I spent the night at her house and I had set aside the next day to be with her. I told her that I had to leave at 4 o'clock because I had an appointment with my therapist and I needed to prepare for it. She said that was fine, and she'd drive me home so I wouldn't have to take the bus. What ended up happening was she took so long to get ready to leave, that I didn't have time to go home before my appointment. She drove me straight there, sat in the waiting room the whole time, and asked me if I wanted to go back to her place for a couple more hours. I am a graduate student and I work two jobs, so my time is precious. She takes up so much of my time that don't have enough for my homework. I recognize some mistakes I've made in not sticking up for myself. I shouldn't rely on her for a ride ever again. I've been in two emotionally abusive romantic relationships before, plus my family is emotionally abusive, so I'm starting to understand that it's difficult for me to say no to people, especially people I care about, especially when they say they need my help. I'm worried she's taking advantage of that. And in my experience, manipulative people are very subtle at coercing people into doing things for them. Last night I didn't realize I was putting her needs before my own until I finally got home and I started crying. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Plus I was freaking out that I didn't have time to for the errands I'd planned. Does any of this sound familiar? Anyone else who's had emotionally abusive partners that acted like this in the beginning?
Chronic pain and weight gain?
Disability Support / by charmingZebra76
Last post
 June 1st, 2015
...See more Hello all. I've been dealing  with chronic pain in my lower back off and on for about seven years now. I manage it with anti-inflammatories (ibuprofin, and recently, when that stopped working, naproxin) and exercises to strengthen and stretch my back muscles as instructed by a physical therapist. I tend to have episodes where the pain is worse than usual, often coinciding with depressive episodes, stress, and weather changes. I've noticed that during these periods, I gain anywhere from ten to twenty pounds, which comes off when the pain subsides and I can resume my usual exercise routine. I'm a very athletic person, and when I'm in so much pain that I can't exercise, this also makes my depression worse because fitness is how I cope. I'm worried about the long-term effects that weight cycling will have on my health as well. I guess I'm curious if anyone has similar experiences with chronic pain. Does anyone else's pain level seem change/get worse, even if it's always there at least a little? Is it normal to have trouble maintaining your baseline weight when this happens? If so, does anyone have any tips for weight management when you're in too much pain to exercise?  
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