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charmingPlace950
911 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 19 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceApril 8, 2018
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May have ED...don't wanna self-diagnose
Eating Disorder Support / by charmingPlace950
Last post
 May 7th, 2021
...See more For the past 6 months I've had a rocky relationship with food. I realised I had a way to expel the fat, bloated, fullness after eating which I always hated. Then I started binging as a coping mechanism to forget about troubling thoughts and purged after. Although people have always told me I am skinny, I didn't believe them bc of what I saw in the mirror and how my body was 'supposed' to look. My brother also makes regular comments when I eat junk food like 'don't eat too much _insert food_ you'll get fatter', whereas the rest of my family says I'm skinny, but I believed what he said was true. At this point I was obsessively restricting and counting calories, beginning a rigid excersise routine, measuring/weighing myself regularly and binging and purging (vomiting and excersising) the exact amount of 'bad' or junk food I binged. I would also fast the next day, only eating with my family. Now I am trying to eat breakfast and healthy snacks throughout the day so I don't feel hungry enough later to binge. However, I feel like my body has lost the signal to tell me when I'm full. When I'm alone and hungry or have an intense craving I can only distact myself for so long. Then I have the uncontrollable urge to eat and once I start it feels impossible to stop until I feel sick and once again purge. I am a night owl so the the urges are stronger the later I stay up (from 1am). Lately this has been every night and I don't know how to stop. I don't count calories anymore or starve myself bc that will lead to more binging, but I really just want to get my life back on track. It feels like the same night on replay. It has become an addiction and I don't know where to begin.
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