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charmingClementine3346
870 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMay 11, 2016
Recent forum posts
Stress Eating
Eating Disorder Support / by charmingClementine3346
Last post
 July 31st, 2021
...See more I think that I've been stress eating lately because I have two jobs and haven't had a day off since the end of June. I hate it because every time I sit down I can feel my stomach scrunch up and my thighs feel a lot more fat which makes me self conscious. Is there any way of stopping this?
What Have I Done?
Journals & Diaries / by charmingClementine3346
Last post
 June 17th, 2021
...See more For the past few months I've been getting myself physically, mentally, and educationally prepared for the military. I've already gone through the process with the contract and everything, but lately things from my past have been resurfacing and my ship date got moved back significantly since I tested positive for COVID, thus having to quarantine. Basically, every day it gets closer to my new ship date, I think more and more about taking my own life to avoid it because I don't have the same motivation or drive as I did before. I feel like an imposter where the more I try to sculpt myself into this military persona, the more I'm losing who I am and what I want out of life at my core. I thought that the military was for me because it could've made me less of a wreck and seen as more than worthless, but I realize now that what I was searching for at the time I enlisted was my own independence from family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family but they've always been the overprotective, overbearing types of people. I'm never allowed to do anything wrong or be anything other than happy, because if I am, I'm given the cold shoulder until I feel a normal way again. They were all for me joining the military, and other people around me are too, which is why it's hurting me greatly to disappoint them and think less of me. I do have another path to go down if I do decide to tell my Petty Officer, but I'm afraid I'll lose everybody in this decision I'm trying to make for myself.
Falling Back In
Depression Support / by charmingClementine3346
Last post
 May 3rd, 2021
...See more I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was a freshman in high school. The only way anybody found out was because my friend at the time encouraged me to reach out to our school counselor, which when I mentioned suicidal thoughts, the counselor called my parents and from there I was forced to talk out my feelings in front of multiple adults. When we got home that day they basically claimed that I shouldn't be depressed/they don't understand why I'm depressed because my life is "good." After that is when they had me start going to therapy, which I despised every second of. Fast forward to today, I've been slowly falling back into depression the past few months and it keeps getting worse as the days go by. I always have to act like I'm happy around the people in my life because as far as they're concerned, I have no reason to be depressed. Most days I want to lay in bed and just not get up, suicidal thoughts creeping in as well. I can feel myself growing more irritable as well, usually going outside to escape the noise or listening to music on high.
Eating Disorder?
Eating Disorder Support / by charmingClementine3346
Last post
 May 3rd, 2021
...See more I am deathly afraid of gaining weight, especially when it's [edited by Anomalia to remove weight specifics]+ pounds I feel the constant need to keep my stomach looking firm and flat I am very calorie conscious and feel like crap if I eat too much of something/eat something high in calories My stomach & chin always feel so bloated and fat, and living with that thought alone makes me want to cry My family always remarks that I shouldn't be self conscious because I'm skinny, but all I see when I look in the mirror is fat My friends also say that I'm too skinny and need to eat more, I used to turn down food offers from friends because if I ate I felt like I was going to screw up my body
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