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cc415
4 141 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 5, 2024
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Are we done?
Family & Caregivers / by cc415
Last post
 3 days ago
...See more As I am typing this, I am laying in my childhood bed at my parents' house with my daughter sleeping in a playpen beside me. How have I let my husband bully me into thinking we are the ones that need to leave our home? This is definitely not where I pictured myself at nearly 30 years old. I feel like I don't even know who I married anymore. The words he said right before I left with our dogs and daughter keep echoing in my ears, "I think we are done, we are just not working out." What the actual f***? My heart is racing. This man who I devoted 7+ years to and have a 1+ year old daughter with thinks he can just up and decide we are done after we moved into a new house 2 weeks ago? What am I missing here? Just before I decided on leaving and spending the night elsewhere, we got home from a Christmas Tree Farm . What did he say as we parked in the garage? He said "This was a *** day." Are we done? I didn't think after 5 years of being together and 2+ years of marriage we would be calling it quits so soon, but maybe we are done? Maybe I am done? For additional context, right before this, we were talking about jobs I am applying for. I had to resign from my previous position due to health issues that required a major abdominal surgery a few months ago. Our daughter is in daycare two days a week starting a couple of months ago, but she has gotten sick twice already in the last two months so that means she has been home sick with me every other two weeks for the past two months. We are fortunate to have a subsidy for childcare, but that only lasts if I am able to find a 30+ hour position by the end of this month. I have a PhD and I haven't been able to land a role yet after job hunting for 3 months with some of my job hunting time being impacted by our daughter being ill. I have contract work coming up, but it doesn't start until late January/early February. I am not a stranger to service positions, so I am going to apply to some I have had my eye on; they have flexible working hours so I can still take care of our daughter the days she is not in daycare. I had mentioned applying to the service role many months ago to my husband and he was less than supportive saying things like, " you should be able to do better. " On top of all this negativity, since our daughter was born, he has been glued to his phone. I have mentioned that it bothers me how often he is on his phone while he is supposed to be bonding and spending time with our daughter. He couldn't even put his phone down for 5 minutes today to watch her while I dug my boots out of a moving box. In those 5 minutes, she managed to drench her only holiday outfit in dog bowl water because he was too busy watching a YouTube video. Her only holiday outfit was drenched right before we were going to take family photos all because he couldn't put his phone down for 5 minutes. My husband's occupation is stressful, the hours are long and unpredictable, but I am tired of it being his excuse for not being present for our daughter, being unsupportive towards me, and the root of his pessimistic attitude. These past few months he appears withdrawn, depressed, and just unhappy. I have been working on myself by talking to my personal therapist for the past few months every other week. Meanwhile he hasn't talked to his own counselor for at least 6 months, with no excuse or reason. It feels like he doesn't want to put the effort in anymore. He even tried helping me pack my bag as I left the house with our daughter and dogs as if to say "good riddance." Is this the end of our marriage? Maybe? I think I personally might be done. How do I take a stand? Is it too late? I never wanted this life for our daughter.
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