Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
catsith
2,615 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 689 Compassion hearts166 Forum posts83 Forum upvotes116 Current upvotes116 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceJune 29, 2015
Bio

Recent forum posts
How do you get out of bed in the morning?
Depression Support / by catsith
Last post
 May 4th, 2017
...See more Waking up and getting out of bed (especially since I'm a university student and I essentially make my own schedule/study time) is the hardest thing. Trying to wake up at 9, hitting snooze 12 times and barely rolling over at noon, is a constant struggle. I never want to face the day. I just want to stay wrapped up and asleep where I don't have to exist. but the later I wake, the worse I often feel. So, tell me, what can I do to get myself up? What do you do to get yourself up?
I became my mother (child abuse; abuse cycle; break ups; staying friends?;)
Relationship Stress / by catsith
Last post
 March 30th, 2016
...See more ******trigger warning, when it comes to the relationship, I was the abuser. so you should definitely not read on if you think that that could make you feel any less than well. -------------------------- So I grew up with a heavily emotionally/verbally abusive and mildly physically abusive mother (my father left when I was really young). There were times when I knew things weren't okay but by and large I internalized it x 100000000. I only really started facing it and realizing how messed up things were about a year and a half ago (around the time I moved out, with my then partner) and things have still only come in waves. Fast forward to three months ago when said partner breaks up with me because, as it turned out, I had been doing a lot of the same things that my mother did to me. I couldn't see it at the time -- I felt so small and inconsequential, how could anything I did or said hurt anyone else? -- but I've since become very painfully aware of all of the behaviours I internalized and things I thought were somehow okay (being super critical, making him feel like he had to care for me, taking everything personally, etc.). The past three months have been really tough because, on the other side of things, he also emotionally cheated and immediately started dating someone new as soon as we broke up (he then lied about it and made me feel like my suspicions were solely because of my trust issues which really sucked), all this while we were and are still living together (because of financial reasons and being unable to break the lease). I've been trying so hard to work on myself and do everything I can to validate him and make him feel any better that I can but I've also been dealing with so much of my own hurt and confusion about everything as well as constantly living in fear that I am going to become my mother, or that I already have. I don't know what to do to support him. I don't know what to do to respect my own pain. I don't know what is and isn't okay for me to ask of him. we'd been trying to stay friends for the past while but as you can imagine it's been really difficult on both sides of things and I just don't know what to do. I've been rebuilding a support network since the break up but I don't really feel like I have anyone who's really 100% there for me and I know I can't rely on him and I essentially don't have parents/if I went to my mother's, she would use it over me and I just. I'm so anxious. and maybe it's unfair but I really don't want to lose him from my life. I actually really care about him so much and I want to be there for him. and I don't know how. and I just feel like I'm always making everything worse. and sometimes I still get really emotional and i'll say stupid things and I just don't trust myself at all. I feel like I've become my mother and I don't want to be and I don't know how to not be and I don't know how to support my ex and everything just feels horrible. He's pretty much ready to give up on us being friends and I can't say anything but I really need him there for me still. and that's probably not fair. and I don't know what to do. Please. what can I do to help him? what can I do to help myself? how do I become a good person? what's wrong with me?
Search more from @catsith
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
30 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Bubbly Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Bundled Group Chimer Surviving Breakups Forum Companion Forum Helper 7 Day Streak Entrepreneur Self-Esteem Master Self-Esteem Teammate Group Friend Meaghan's Heart Strong Bond I
Report an issue