Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
carefulBike3504
2,606 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 153 Compassion hearts141 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes52 Current upvotes52 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2018 Member sinceMay 23, 2016
Recent forum posts
Social anxiety which is kinda objective
Anxiety Support / by carefulBike3504
Last post
 September 2nd, 2016
...See more So I read that social anxious people believe that they lack social skills, and that they are usually wrong. What if you are not wrong? I was extremely isolated as a child, basically having contact only with parents + younger sibling + adults, so when I went in school, I was really weird and did not known any age-appropriate topics to talk about (and we usually did activities that classmates did not share, so talking about "what I've done on the weekend" was not an option). When I was 10-13 years old, I was obsessed with "girly" magazines, trying to figure out "what should I like" and "what should I find interesting" to be "normal" and to get other answer than "stop babbling about shit, get away!" from my peers. I also had problems with teachers, who refused to answer my questions (like "I wasn't here yesterday, what is the homework?"), saying that I should ask my friends and that they are not going to dig in their handbags to find their notes - but I don't have any friends here! (OK, there was one girl who talked to me, but she was often sick, so it was not really helpful) It improved somehow in high school, there was bigger variety in hobbies and the relationships were not competitive, you could talk to anybody (so "I am talking to A, B and C" wasn't a privilege), but still... And when I was in the university, I had to make a voice record of one lecture. I had to - the professor did not give us ANY materials and there was no book for that. Otherwise, I would skip that. OK. I remembered that on the first day, they told us that it is illegal to start voice recording without asking the professor, and that we MUST always ask. Also I remembered how other people go to (other) professors, grab their attention, show them the voice recorder, the professor nods and they walk away. OK. It seemed obvious that this is how it is done. So I just went there and tried to do that, but the professor (talking to some other student) told them to wait, turned to me and asked what I want. Honestly, even this was such an unexpected development that I was shocked and said something like "nothing... just if I am allowed...". He asked mega kindly and mega sweetly again, to get a clear and concise answer, then repeated that kindly and sweetly and started screaming HOW DO YOU DARE TO INTERRUPT THE LECTURE and COME BACK WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO BEHAVE. Do I have to say that it was a major setback? Learn how to behave. I often thought that it was easier in times of e.g. Jane Austen, when the "correct" behavior was somehow defined and you could ask someone and parents paid attention to that. Instead of telling you to behave "normally". And not talking about such things at all (parents). Well, my parents actually did not teach me things, it was more about waiting until I need the skill, then starting with "how is it possible that you cannot / don't know (insert anything)?". I had books about various stuff, the "how things work" books (including topics like sex ed), but they were usually too technical. You don't really need to know how a car is made in the factory, you need to know how to drive it.
Some muscles are just boring!
Healthy Living / by carefulBike3504
Last post
 November 8th, 2016
...See more Hello everybody! So, my problem with exercise is... I like sport, I do a lot of sport actually (marathon and such), but... but it is mostly legs. Because others are just boring. So now I am trying to do some bodyweight routine, I am trying to improve my ability to do push-ups (I am getting somewhere, but it is slow) as it is a pretty basic thing for doing anything (we are talking about bodyweight exercises - I cannot afford to join a gym now, you cannot cancel in less than one year and I am likely going to move away in two months). I kinda liked boxing but no option for that now :-/ This is not just some cosmetic thing (although my ribs are visible and it just looks nasty, but no one can see that), I have scoliosis and although it does not hurt (yet), I really should have good muscles around the spine. So... I am trying to improve this >.<
Outside factors
Anxiety Support / by carefulBike3504
Last post
 August 4th, 2016
...See more I just felt the need to say it somewhere and I think this is the best place... Often I see articles / videos / etc. saying us that anxiety is just something inside, and that outer factors don't play a role. Well, they DO play a role - until certain threshold, then they become irrelevant. It is same like with the well-known "money don't make you happier" - after certain threshold it don't, but before that threshold it certainly has big impact, if you have to worry about how you are going to pay the rent or if you have to work crazy long hours to make the ends meet (again, we are not speaking about luxury items, just about basic survival) or if you have to wear shoes that don't fit / can't afford proper winter coat or to turn on heating, then it certainly has an impact on your emotional well-being. Same goes for anxiety. Yes, I was wrong when I assumed that it is all just about outside factors (ignoring any self-care and not seeking professional help enough), and it took years to find out (until the outside factors were solved). But even professionals dismissed me, saying that I don't suffer from (whatever I thought I am suffering from), that I just need to get a quiet place to study (for example) or that I need to move out (which made it issue for someone else, like some scholarship advisor, who would send me back to psychologists or family advisors and it would be all just good for nothing). But the factors totally add to the "inner" anxiety. I am still totally anxious when I need to make an important phone call, my mouth is dry and my heart is racing and so on, however, when I was expecting "maybe my sister will come home during the phone call and start babbling immediatelly, and when I tell her to wait, she will start screaming and crying" all the time, if was even worse. So just saying it for everybody who has the same problem and keeps reading and hearing that the outer factors don't matter - they don't matter for people who have certain living standard (and they write from their own POV, so that's why it is ommited), but they can certainly contribute.
Search more from @carefulBike3504
Talk to an expert therapist
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I maintain a strong interest...
Talk to Tracy-Kate Now
Badges & Awards
27 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Strong Start Milestone Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Social Anxiety Anxiety Depression Sleeping Well Exercise Motivation Forum Companion 7 Day Streak Strong Bond I
Report an issue