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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceAugust 28, 2015
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Recent ex-girlfriend of a man with BPD needs help
Personality Disorders Support / by bpdex
Last post
 February 9th
...See more Hello, everyone. I (32/F) have been in a very difficult relationship with a man (30/M) for the last year and half. He was diagnosed with Bipolar many years ago, however, his behavior while I've known him never quite fit Bipolar. But it did fit BPD, *like a glove*. Stumbling upon an article about BPD six months ago was an epiphany for me. That's why I'm in this forum. I hope you can grant me that his experience and behavior are very similar to that of people with BPD, even though it's not his official diagnosis. I'm here because I ended our relationship a few days ago. I've ended it countless times before, but I always eventually gave him another chance when I saw how much he was suffering and how earnestly he promised to improve. (And of course, I also missed lots of great things about him, had hope for the relationship, etc.) I cannot go back to the relationship this time. It's no longer possible for me to trust him, and I need to start taking better care of myself before I become a shell of a person. I also see now that I have just been enabling his destructive habits, and the cycle isn't going to stop if I keep forgiving him. I am trying to not do anything to make him think that things will go back to the way they were, so I'm trying to limit my contact with him. At the same time, I cannot just leave him to suffer alone and spiral into depression and various means of self-destruction. And I know that's very likely what he's doing. He has a supportive family, but he doesn't turn to them for help in times like this. In fact, he often rejects their help. He has no close friends to turn to either. He has destroyed or abandoned almost all of his relationships. I have been his main, daily source of support and comfort for the last year. Since I cannot be the one to comfort him now, I am looking for someone else who can--to just send him a message and offer to talk, listen, and be an at least temporary source of emotional support. I'm not sure if this would actually be helpful or make him feel awkward and worse. If anyone can relate to his situation and thinks this is a bad idea, I'd love to hear your perspective. I'm open to whatever will be most helpful. I'm also not sure how to arrange for someone to contact him without violating his privacy (by giving strangers his contact information). Perhaps I could just gather some messages and contact info from people who are willing to help and email that to him so the choice is his? I've tried to not share too many personal details about him so that he doesn't feel exposed, judged, or such. Thanks, and I wish the best to anyone going through similar struggles.
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