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blazingsky
920 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 75 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceDecember 28, 2018
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toxic friendship but scared to cut off
Relationship Stress / by blazingsky
Last post
 January 27th, 2019
...See more I'll start from the beginnig- heads up this might be a bit of a long story but thanks to anyone who actually reads it... My friend is suffering from menatal health problems, specifically anxiety and depression. I was trying my best to listen and be there but it got to the point where not a single day would go by without her mentioning mental breakdowns or panic attacks even if it was just to tell me oh I almost had an anxiety attack earlier and blah blah blah. It was as if anything that could possibly be wrong she'd bring up and talk about as if it was an achievement or soemthing. Some would even call it attention seeking, even though I know she was actually hvaing a hard time, it was not the right thing to be doing as it helped nobody to talk like that. Another girl who hangs out with us I could tell was being negatively affected by her too and then this friend started calling them "panic attack buddies". She later said this was merely a coping mechanism which, ok I kind of understand, but everything else whether it be meds or cutting or just feeing sick... it was honestly starting to get too much. So I had this ananymous account kind of thing on instagram where I didn't know anybody and posted random tumblr textposts or memes or whatever. In the comments of posts sometimes it would be random or sometimes I'd check in on my followers or vent and tell them about my life, kinda like a blog sort of thing. I explained this situation to them, ensuring no names were mentioned, as this was my safe space and I figured nothing really could happen because none of them would ever see me anyway. Well somehow my freinds got a hold of it and saw that I had said this. She was angry and said she didn't trust me and proceeded to completely ignore me for a good 3 days, despite seeing me every one of those days. Finally we got to the point of talking and I explained that some of it was misinterpreted as being about her, (after mentioning my situatoin with her I was talking generally about society and people who do things for attention and romanitsise mental health problems becasue they think it make them more intersting) which I could understand. She also said some things to me and about another freind's reaction, which I was pretty taken aback by. I decided to talk to this other person to see if we were ok, and tell her what she'd apparently said about me. This was denied and so she was mad a my friend for 'making it up'. My freind then got angry at me again and told me to stop putting words in her mouth claiming that she had never said that and obviously I didn't care about her mental health because it was my fault for this drama, but I would bet money on the fact she said that because it was the one thing that kind of hurt from our talk so it stuck with me. All in all I don't know what's being made up. I've tried to explain to her that I understand why she got angry and that it was never my intention to hurt her, I didn't care anymore what she had said orwhat others said, she didn't have to trust me but I didn't want to abandon her, and that I accept responsibility for some of this mess but that I believe the fault is shared between everyone involved. Nope. No reply. I don't know what to do anymore. Do I just not talk to her and leave her alone? She's struggling though and doesn't have many people in school so I'm weary about doing that, but I don't want this toxic negativity from her either. So do I keep trying to talk to her or let her come to me? How do I help make this better? What can I do? This is all I can think about but she still seems to think I don't really care about her.
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