Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
bestMaple4303
3 79 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 18, 2025
Bio
Recent forum posts
bestMaple4303 profile picture
new here...lost on life, big relationship stuff, just everything
Women's Issues / by bestMaple4303
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more I am in my late 30s and I have no friends, I have mental health issues from years of deep trauma and I do see a psychologist but I just feel like I need to hear from a regular person who might relate but I have no one to talk to. I am married but my husband doesn't feel like a safe space. I have learned through the years that I just can't talk to him. We communicate very poorly and he takes everything I say as criticism and only seems to get defensive or shifts blame on me and doesn't really hear me, so I stopped talking as much. He also has anger issues, always has since he was a kid, so that is his first and usually his only reaction to any kind of "negative" issue. It feels so lonely. I think my husband sees me as a mom. I do everything for the house, cook, clean, laundry, pay the bills, take care of my teenager, make his dr appointments and work full time and he does what he's always done and rarely takes any of that off my shoulders. He thinks (he has said this) that by working and providing more money than I do that that should be all he has to do and that house chores etc. aren't his responsibility. Also taking my son to the doc or something is my job because I bring in less income so if I miss work it’s not as big of a deal. I am burnt the heck out. I feel there is resentment and there is definitely unresolved conflict and I really don't know if it will ever be addressed, even my therapist thinks he may not be someone who can be reasoned with. He would never do therapy with me he thinks therapists are "quacks". I just can't bring things like this up to him because he gets upset and I end up feeling like it's my fault for ever opening up. He tells me he struggles with me because I am not happy all the time like I once was and I don't smile much anymore.... but I feel this strain on me and I can't talk to him, so yes, I would agree that I am not as happy anymore. Sometimes I feel like I need to fake smiles so he is happy. He doesn't put in effort anymore; not like he did to get me. He has big hobbies that he spends most of his extra time doing. He will get home from work and eat what I cooked then go out to do his side work he enjoys and come home anywhere between 9 and 11 or 12. We are rarely intimate, definitely not outside the bedroom anymore and I noticed very recently I don't even want to. Honestly it scares me that I have that feeling. I used to all the time and I craved his affections, cuddling etc. but it just became less and less over time and I got tired of kind of asking for it so it just is this way now and no one does anything to change it. I am noticing I feel a disconnection. I honestly don't know how he feels all the time because he wont talk about emotions even when I set up a space for him to unload and ask him how he is doing. He seems very disconnected with his emotions and I am very connected to mine so it is tough. I think all the time he spends doing his work is a big distraction for him.  I don't know much of who I am and I am almost 40. I have no passions, my job is just a job I got one day and I am not happy in it but I live in a small town with very little options, also, I would love to move to be around more things or jobs but my husband wont because it would mean not living close to his parents...of which he has a very very close relationship with and they are always involved (he lived with them until his mid 30's and I was the reason he finally moved out)...all my family is very far but I have not been close to many of them since my parents were a big part of the trauma I experienced, my dad died years ago anyway. I also have ADHD and this has been tough, I found out a little over a year ago and it explains a lot about me but my husband is struggling to accept some of that still. I feel he thinks some of it is not real or is an excuse. He is the "just get over it" or "just don't think about it" type. It is hard to make friends, I am such an introvert. I had a bunch some years ago because I was a heavy drinker after losing my sons bio-father to suicide when we were 24 years old. It is easy to be surrounded by people when you are always drunk at a bar...I quit drinking about 6 years ago when I met my husband (he has never drank before) and now I have no one except my husband, my son and my sister who is 3 hours away.  I am learning through therapy I don't know how to set boundaries or really even know what healthy ones are. I don't know how to stop pleasing or put myself first and it is hurting me mentally, I don't feel like I know who I am or what I am here for. Sometimes things feel so empty and I feel like I am missing my spark. 
Search more from @bestMaple4303
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Newbie Teammate
Report an issue