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aszalay
1 358 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceAugust 7, 2022
Recent forum posts
PIP
Personality Disorders Support / by aszalay
Last post
 October 4th, 2022
...See more Hi, I have a telephone appointment with PIP (personal independent payment) and I’m just looking for some advice on how to go about getting it. It’s mainly so my partner can get carers allowance as he has had to quit his job to take care of me. I do have an interview for a job tomorrow however I honestly don’t think I’ll get it and if I do, I don’t think I’ll last long as I’m still under the crisis team and I’m still really struggling. Any help will be appreciated x
TW Overdose & Misscarriage
Trauma Support / by aszalay
Last post
 October 4th, 2022
...See more I have PCOS and I’m currently being investigated for endometriosis. I was having what I thought was a ‘flare up’ of my PCOS where I bleed very heavily and have a lot of cramp. I knew the pain I was experiencing this time round wasn’t normal to what I’m used to so I called my GP and got a telephone appointment. At the end of the appointment I received a text off my GP asking me to take a pregnancy test. I took two tests as soon as I received the text and they both instantly came up as faint positives. I of course got so excited as I’ve had multiple miscarriages in the past. I told my partner and he was over the moon, he told me he was going to ask if we could start trying properly but he was scared to ask me as I had just lost my dad a month ago and was unsure if it was the right time to ask. We bought another two tests and took them about 4 hours later, they came back negative so I instantly started to worry. My GP rang me this morning and asked me to come into the surgery as my pain was getting worse. When me and my partner went in, my GP gave me a letter and said I needed to go to A&E as he thought we were having an ectopic pregnancy. We went to A&E straight away, I had my bloods taken and done a urine sample. I was sat for hours holding my stomach and crying in agony. The doctor finally called us through to tell us we had a miscarriage. They gave me codeine and paracetamol for the pain and advised to do another home test in a week. I am absolutely heartbroken and I can’t help but blame myself because of all of the overdoses I have taken. I have taken 6 overdoses since the 19th July. Last Saturday I drank a full [edited] of oramorph and 8 antibiotics, I 100% think that is what has caused this miscarriage and I just can’t cope. I have an interview tomorrow for the ambulance service and I’m so nervous now, this has just pushed me back to rock bottom and I just don’t know how much more I can take. [edited by @theriverissinging to remove drug dosages, deleted duplicate thread, forum guidelines here [https://www.7cups.com/community-guidelines/Forum-Guidelines-3c989621981b4b6db6c722d76274b058]]
My Gorgeous Father❤️‍🩹
Trauma Support / by aszalay
Last post
 September 5th, 2022
...See more On Thursday 1st September 2022 at 14:57, I received a phone call off my aunty to say they found my dad in his flat on his floor. He had a fall and potentially another stroke. They called an ambulance and my dad got taken straight into hospital. At this point, he could open his eyes a little bit and he could nod. At 19:33, my worst fear was confirmed. My dad had another stroke but also had a bleed on the right side of his brain. He was transported over to a different hospital where they specialised in neurology. On Friday 2nd September 2022 at 13:19, my worst nightmare was confirmed. My aunty called me to tell me my dad had less than 24 hours to live. Of course I went straight up to the hospital so I could be by his side. All of our family came to the hospital, talked about their wonderful memories with him and finally said their goodbyes before leaving. I stayed overnight as I knew I wanted to be there for when he finally passed. It was the worst 19 hours and 39 minutes of my whole life. Watching my dad lie there unconscious, having multiple seizures and being so restless during the night. I was literally watching my own father pass away right in front of my eyes and there was not a thing I could do about it. His last seizure, his eyes opened and they followed me from the middle of his bed to the top of his bed. I stroked the right side of his face and he stopped fitting but his eyes were still open, still looking at me. I kissed his forehead and his eyes finally closed. Knowing the last thing he saw was his daughter really has gave me so much comfort in all of this sadness. On Saturday 3rd September 2022 at 08:58, my gorgeous father took his final breath with me and my younger cousin next to him. He finally found peace and joined my nana and grandad in heaven after over a year of mental and physical pain. Selfishly, I’m broken, I want nothing more than my dad to be with me in person, to be able to pick up the phone and just talk absolute rubbish about anything, everything, anyone and everyone. I know he is out of pain, no longer suffering and is at rest. I am so overwhelmed with peoples posts and comments on social media, all of the lovely memories and kind words everyone has shared about my dad. I’m so grateful for every single person who has reached out I really am, I just don’t have the energy to respond or even read some of the messages. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this I really don’t but I know I have so much support around me and I know he’s looking over me in heaven with my nana and grandad. Rest in peace my gorgeous special dad, I love and miss you more than words could ever describe and more than anyone could ever imagine❤️‍🩹
*TW* Sexual & Pysical Abuse
Trauma Support / by aszalay
Last post
 September 2nd, 2022
...See more So when I was 13 I was raped by my boyfriend (at the time), I was extremely scared but I just thought it was normal (I’d never had a relationship before) so I never done anything about it and I stayed with him for a year and a half. During that time, he raped me many times during that timeframe and also physically abused and attacked me. I never told anyone as once I left the relationship and realised it was wrong, I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone about it and quite frankly, too scared to mention it to anyone as I knew what he was capable of so I’ve kept it to myself all this time. I’ve only ever told my current boyfriend and the crisis team but never went into depth about it. Just before my 18th birthday, I started dating someone else, he was a couple of years older than me. The first 3-4 times we met up were great and then I went to his house. We had sex (consensual) but after a few minutes I started freaking out and told him to stop, he didn’t listen at first but then he realised how upset I was and finally did. After that, he started making me feel guilty saying I didn’t like him etc and I said I had to go (I generally had to go to do my cousins hair and makeup for her graduation) and he wouldn’t let me leave his house, he locked me in his room for 2 days and physically abused me multiple times. Once I left, I obviously blocked him on everything as I knew that it was wrong but again I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared of him. I’m waiting on trauma therapy as I’m having constant nightmares and flashbacks etc however I don’t know if I should tell my parents. I was thinking if I told them, not tell them who it was by and just say I never met them before. My mam is very difficult, I know if I told her she would make me tell her their names and kick off/go after them which would make me worse (I obviously don’t want to happen, I just want to heal) My stepdad has an aortic aneurysm and any stress can make it burst so I don’t want to tell him knowing that. I know he’s already upset and stressed enough knowing I’ve overdosed a few times and self harmed loads recently. My dad has had heart attacks and strokes in the past and is now in sheltered accommodation, I honestly think he’s depressed and I know his heart broke when I told him about the overdoses and self harm and I just don’t know how he’ll be if I tell him this. Can someone please give me some advice or guidance? My head is honestly all over and I don’t know what to do for the best🥺
Trauma Therapy for sexual and physical abuse
Trauma Support / by aszalay
Last post
 August 25th, 2022
...See more Hi At the moment I am under the crisis team, however there is a plan in place for me to have stabilisation therapy and then trauma therapy with the community treatment team (once discharged from crisis) I am wondering if anyone can advise on what to expect from the trauma therapy. Will I have to go into detail/depth about my two ex partners and what they done? How long does the therapy last? (Weeks/months etc) Does the therapy actually help? What if I become unstable during the therapy? Will they stop? Like what if they don’t believe me or what if I’m not comfortable with my therapist or what if I’m not 100% honest about what happened because I get so embarrassed and triggered. Am I making a mistake by going forward with the therapy? They say they won’t do it until I’m ready but will I ever be ready? I just have so many questions and I’m very anxious about it.
Discharged from crisis team
Personality Disorders Support / by aszalay
Last post
 August 20th, 2022
...See more Hi I’m currently under the care of the crisis team, they come out every other day to see me. They’re talking about the next steps and being discharged from them but I don’t think I’m ready to be discharged. I’ve only recently been diagnosed with BPD and I honestly don’t know a lot about it. I’m suffering with PTSD, nightmares and suicidal thoughts and I’m still hearing voices. I don’t feel like the crisis team are taking me seriously, I know when I get discharged I’ll be moving onto mental health concern but again, I don’t know a lot about them or what they do. I guess I’m just anxious and with me still experiencing suicidal thoughts and voices, it is making me more scared of being discharged. Do you think I’m ready to be discharged from the crisis team? Is there any advice or support anyone on here can give me?
Finally Diagnosed!!
Personality Disorders Support / by aszalay
Last post
 September 2nd, 2022
...See more Hey everyone! This post is a little bitter sweet🙈 So after 5 years of being misdiagnosed with depression and given the wrong antidepressant tablets; and 3 years of fighting for a proper diagnosis, being told I’m seeking for a diagnosis or I’m over reacting… I’ve FINALLY been diagnosed with Boardline Personality Disorder and given the correct tablets!! I honestly feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Although it isn’t a nice diagnosis, I have known for years that I had BDP but I was continually told it wasn’t possible for me to have BDP as I’ve had a stable relationship with my partner for over 4 years. However, we’re not living in the past anymore… ✨One step closer to being a happier version of myself✨
I’ve relapsed
Self-Harm Recovery / by aszalay
Last post
 August 13th, 2022
...See more Hi, I relapsed last night. After two weeks of no self harm or overdoses, getting back on track and looking after myself, I relapsed. I took another overdose last night, that’s three overdoses in three weeks. I honestly feel like I need sectioned, I’m becoming scared of myself again and I don’t feel safe.
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