anxiousmohamed Member Profile

...See more Hello, hope you're all having a great day. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for quite some time now, and I've finally pushed myself enough to go see a therapist. I've failed to make any progress for many reasons, and I had to end it and now I'm looking for a new therapist. But there's just one problem that I really don't know how to deal with. The problem is, and I struggle a lot every time I try to explain this, but it's like every time I try to open up and explain something to the therapist it just starts to make no sense? And my brain becomes foggy and I can't think straight. It's almost as if I'm two people: me in my head when I think about something or write it down and the other is me when I speak, and it makes sense to the one in my head but as soon as I'm about to share it with my therapist (or even when I say it out loud to myself) I'm like what is this? What am I even saying? (I'm even having this thought right now as I'm writing this) So I haven't been able to mention some things that are bothering me, because I become afraid that I'll mention something and the therapist will focus on it and then later I'll be like "you know what, that's not really what's bothering me I believe that the problem could be this" but I won't tell the therapist because they'll think I'm just looking for attention or an excuse to not face my problems. Or sometimes I just straight up forget to mention some things. Also, and I don't know if this is related or not, but it's the same thing with my self image. When I see myself in a picture or a video, it's like a completely different person than how I think I look or behave like in my head. Last year I started taking videos of myself and I re-watch them sometimes when I start getting confused and when I can't think straight, and for some reason they give me some sort of relief or reassurance? I really don't want to be dramatic but I have no idea how to explain this. Is this all normal? Is my mind just trying to like protect me from all these bad emotions and stuff? And how do I get over this and finally be able to get something out of therapy? Thanks for taking the time to read this and I'm really sorry if it's too long. (PS. I just wanted to note that since I was a kid, I picked up this habit of excessive daydreaming. I don't know exactly when it started, but I remember I used to be scared of going to school [I've also struggled with bullying later on] and I used to have a lot of nightmares, so I've used it as a way make myself feel better. And unfortunately I've been using it ever since)

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