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amicableVillage932
6,269 M Moving Along 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts91 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceOctober 4, 2015
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feelings\memory\apathy\self-isolation
OCD & Related Behaviors / by amicableVillage932
Last post
 June 22nd
...See more Hello, i am 24 years old, here’s a little story about me. around 3 years ago from now, i left my mothers house due to a fact she’s very agressive verbally, manipulating everything with her tears and she will do everything to *** you off if she wants. I managed to rent a room, alone at like 21, started working, getting myself fixed, my mental heatlh stabled, it was a difficult time to actually become full responsible of your own things, but even though I was feeling better at fhe time. Then, my brother bought a house and he invited me to stay with him, he rented me a room to stay. I stayed there for like 2 years or something and then he rented his house to someone else to do investments for his future house. in that time i was moving not only from home but also from job, and i was not really good financially as i could not rent a room anywhere and my last solution was to go back to my mothers house.. I got a friend who told me i could stay in his house for temporary time till i get some money to rent something… stayed 1 month, and in that current month my new job was all a lie, with fake contracts which led me no solution but just to go to my mothers house… And everything i’ve been feeling from now on, started from this exact time, one year ago, around august/september. When i first came to my mother house, she still had at least essential conditions to live i thought.. although i have no much to do here.. I could not distract myself as i did not have internet, or just simply a tv to stay home, so i stsrted going out everyday with friends, smoking drugs without even thinking about my life, i just wanted distraction and positive things… as soon as i saw my life was going backwards after 2/3 months and have not found any job i asked for help to my father, he lives in other city with his current wife. My father invited me to go to their house, and suddenly i would find a job, i would have my proper space, i could relax and eat well… but that was just a illusion, as soon as i just met my father’s wife, she opened those doors for me with intentions of me treating her like my mother, to be in love with her, to give her the best and serve her as she like. Even if i had to not respect myself, as a pure narcissist who only thinks of herself and her own goals. Tried to buy me in return of affection, approaval, manipulation.. I got a work there and i was finally thinking, omg i will not be hearing this woman… but suddenly she was never giving me peace… i had the best conditions to live, but mentally my psychology was down bad, had to hear so many things and remain in silence, had to cry in ager to not say what i should say. A woman that tries to manipulate my father as she says I wanted to ruin their own marriage, as i did everything i could to be a part of it, including the fact i was the photographer… I can’t describe how bad my life been in that time… Then i thought, bad for bad at least in my city i have my friends which i can spend time with… i returned to my city, because i respect my values, my personality and my character… and someone who doesnt accept the way i am and tries to change me, thats not gonna work im sorry, there is jo money or luxury things that buy me happiness, for me it is only a compliment, nothing else than it… and till now i am in my mouse house, since February i came without my mom even telling me she was out of electricity, with horrible home conditions to live, had to eat everyday out because here i couldnt do it. Till june (this month) i was living without electricity.. and i cant describe what i have been feeling because i no longer recognize myself at this point, i dont now what i feel for things, how to react to people, really bad understanding and comprehension, bad humor, apathy, and it is affecting my day to day routine, as my job also, i found it in April luckily… i just cant describe the worries i have been feeling, the persistent thoughts of everything that comes across, its like i have to comment everything negative in my head about stuff, i cant deal with nothing else no more sadly…
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