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alexaners7734
8 21,279 M Aiming High
I've made it this far, there is no way I am giving up now.
PathStep 121 Compassion hearts821 Forum posts1,323 Forum upvotes577 Current upvotes577 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 23, 2015
Bio

i have depression, and none of the meds i have taken for it have worked. i have self harmed since i was a baby, it started with hair, now i cut. I might be being abused and beginning to have a eating disorder.



A decade later I'm rewriting that: I struggle with life. I'm trying to learn to not let myself get so down. I'm 7yrs. Without sharp objects. I'm still learning to be nice to myself. I absolutely did survive and escape abuse. I now love to cook, I don't think I've learned balanced diet/mind yet tho. Ive been through a lot and have many stories to tell. 

Recent forum posts
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New revelation about a "therapy" session
Trauma Support / by alexaners7734
Last post
 December 7th
...See more I don't know if I ever mentioned on this site a horrible "therapist" I've experienced in real life over a decade ago, but another memory caused this to pop up. Then I made a horrible realization about her ideals from a conversation we had. I was so conditioned by my depression and my abusive family to always be shut down. No thoughts. "Therapist" asked me after a long silence (almost all sessions were pretty silent) in 1 session she asked what I was thinking about. I told her honestly "nothing, I'm just staring" Her ridiculous response "if you weren't thinking and had zero thoughts you would be dead. Everyone is always thinking about something." Later it got worse when this lady, knowing I almost didn't survive my only hospitalization so far and it was still a pretty fresh trauma uttered "I think you belong locked in a room of a mental hospital with no key for the rest of your life" I already knew a few things 1. I did not 2. That would be a pretty short life 3. I don't do well in those hospitals 4. I was actually not that bad mentally 5. I think that's illegal 6. She knew how traumatic that statement would be considering I had a recent bad experience.  But worst of all I don't think I ever thought about until now is most hardened criminals or the most criminally insane probably don't even get treated this cruelly. I was literally treated like a criminal by a mental health "professional" just for being a little out of it.
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Wanna help me plan Thanksgiving from my hotel room?
Eating Disorder Support / by alexaners7734
Last post
 December 4th
...See more If anyone is interested I can post a list of what I have and my goals 
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My Thanksgiving day meal plans
Eating Disorder Support / by alexaners7734
Last post
 November 23rd, 2016
...See more @Alexaners7734 Edited by @dancingrainbow45 20/11/16 for reasons that the post could be considered highly triggering. "For the next 4 days I will minmise eating. Then on Thanksgiving... I will eat small portions of everything" Alexaners, from your post it sounds as though you having a really difficult time, struggling with issues around eating and concerns around how to manage during Thanksgiving which has led you to feel that the only way to feel in control and to cope with this is to restrict what you put into your body, restricting your eating. It must be very difficult to cope with times such as Thanksgiving and Xmas when there is so much focus on food, especially if you are battling an eating disorder. It is at this time of year a lot of people could appreciate some of what you may be going through. I wonder what support you have around you - Have you been able to speak to anyone about your struggles? Do you have a good friend you could speak with, a family member, a medical professional? 7 cups has a self help guide for those with Eating disorders that you may find useful http:// https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php Please also remember that if you would like to speak directly with someone there are lots of listeners here who would only be too willing to chat with you. https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ It is possible to recover from an eating disorder but this is made easier if people are supported during their recovery. Please always remember we are here for you if you need. Take care
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need food
Healthy Living / by alexaners7734
Last post
 October 27th, 2016
...See more i need help on trying to eat more. i hate eating and i hate food. normally all i have all day long is ONE sausage link.
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ama if u can reply in song lyrics.... :)
Journals & Diaries / by alexaners7734
Last post
 August 5th, 2016
...See more I'm w8in on superman but I think superman got stuck at the laundromat washing his cape.im [http://cape.im/] talking to angels, counting the stars Making a wish on a passing car im dancing with strangers, falling apart Waiting for Superman to pick me up In his arms, in his arms Waiting for Superman I'm out on the corner trying to catch a glimpse Nothing
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