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adventurousFig6291
21,323 M Aiming High
PathStep 105 Compassion hearts147 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2020 Member sinceJune 13, 2015
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Anger and trust issues. My "best friendship" story and my problems after all this hell ended.
Relationship Stress / by adventurousFig6291
Last post
 June 23rd, 2015
...See more I had a "best friend" for 5 years. We were very close to each other, I told her everything about myself and my life problems, we were talking every day by phone, even though we lived far away from each other, we used to meet rather often. I was lonely when I met her and I needed someone like that, to talk to, to be near me... So it took me 5 years to understand how poisonous she was. She destroyed my self-confidence, never tried to understand my feelings, all that mattered was herself... She used me, she used the fact that I had a little more money then she had, so I bought her things or paid for our holiday... She thought she was better than me, because she was from the capital city and I was from a small town... We had so many arguments I cannot even count, she would even hit me a few times... I finally managed to leave her. I was struggling with the feeling that I've done something wrong, that maybe it was my fault... What opened my eyes, was the conversation with out mutual friend, that told me these words: 'I never understood how you two can be best friends... I mean, she's so ugly and you're so beautiful'. And yeah I know it's not good to call someone ugly, but the truth is that there are people more and less attractive and for 5 years I was convinced, that I'm the uglier one... So this shows how much she was destuctive to me. I couldn't see my own beauty, when I was with her. Now I deal with two problems. First is anger. I didn't talk to her since I finally decided to cut off all the contact with her. And I still feel so angry... I imagine doing horrible things to her... I also know that now she tells people that I was "emotionally abusive" and spreads lies about me, which makes me even more angry. What can I do to overcome my own anger? Another problem is, that she left me untrusting towards other people. I now have a best friend, wonderful person... We do not have every-day contact, we meet about 3-4 times a month and talk by facebook from time to time, but this amount of contact seems enough to both of us, it seems healhy for me, after all those long, destructive phonecalls I had with my ex-friend. So my new best friend is an amazing person, she's very supportive, she boosted my confidence, for two years we didn't have a single argument, even though we have different views on some things... but I don't know how to open myself to her, with talking about my problems... We're friends for two years now and she still doesn't know half of the things about me, that my ex-friend knew after first few months. She doesn't even know I have an appointment with psychologist and that I struggle with symptoms of depression and self-harm... I know I can trust her, because she truly is worth it, but still I don't feel comfortable with talking about myself. How can I cope with it?    
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