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adaptablePenguin4371
1,546 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts190 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes69 Current upvotes69 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceJuly 22, 2022
Recent forum posts
Idk I need an unbiased opinion/rant
Relationship Stress / by adaptablePenguin4371
Last post
 November 10th, 2022
...See more So idk where to start, this is mainly a rant because I don’t feel like I can talk with anyone about it lol. I think I may be developing (or still have) feelings for my ex, but it’s a little more complicated than that. When we broke up we spent like a month maybe not really talking even tho we broke up on good terms because we both had shitty mental health and it was affecting the others mental health, then after that time I had some things I was upset with and we talked about it and he apologised for offending me and stuff yk, and then we became friends with benefits. So the benefit thing isn’t just sexual there’s also a lot of like emotional stuff too like calling and sleeping on call because the other would like to talk (he likes when I talk until he sleeps) and yk stuff like that. We still support each other a lot emotionally and in many ways we do a lot of stuff like we did in out relationship but it’s somehow less toxic and a lot nicer. Our relationship ended up being toxic because we kinda miscommunicated a lot of it probably being due to the fact that I had undiagnosed autism and that he’s most likely also on the spectrum, and well I think we were both just tired but he was afraid telling me he felt shitty would make me worry (I already worried because o could tell something was off but not what and I felt like I wasn’t helping him and stuff) which didn’t help either of us and it’s low-key most of our issues. Now when we talked about stuff that had upset me I mentioned he for some reason started disliking my friend, which I thought was off, and he told me they had been flirting with me in front of him and it made him jealous and uncomfortable, and I was a little confused because well I don’t notice when people flirt I just pass it off as a social thing I haven’t taught myself yet and I told him I wished he’d told me so I could tell them off. I confronted my friend with this and they told me that yeah they had kinda flirted with me but they would’ve never tried to steal me from my ex because they had been cheated on before, which idk it’s a weird reasoning to me, and then they told me that they didn’t like how my ex didn’t like them because of the flirting and that he should just admit to being insecure (which he did) and I feel like my friend might have had a slight crush on me(???) because now they take my phone whenever they see me texting him and they don’t let me talk about him or mention him at all, which honestly seems off and is why I haven’t told them any of this. Anyway whenever I’m around my ex he says so many nice things to me like: “you’re precious to me” “thank you for making me feel like I’m worth something” “you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and you make me happy” and the thing is all of this makes my stomach get all like I guess butterflies or like idk I just want to scream and do happy hands lol, and we kinda often tell each other that we like the other person and are happy they’re our friend, but I really want to tell him I love him. And the thing is I know I can’t, neither of us are ready for a new relationship and I’m honestly happy being friends with benefits because I enjoy the attention and feeling safe and honestly also loved, but I’m not mentally healed enough (during our relationship a lot of fucked up shit happened with my family and my mental health declined along with my shitty childhoood because of abuse and undiagnosed autism/adhd) for a relationship and neither is he (he said it himself, because one of his friends hit on him and he turned her down). Even tho I’ve accepted things the way they are and that I honestly like it, I sometimes just want to cry and tell him I love him, but I think that’s normal. Maybe we shouldn’t be friends with benefits and maybe we should both move on and such, but I guess we both helped the other thru a lot of things and that we just need someone to help us, who knows what we need. I’m not sure it’ll be healthy in the long run but idk, I guess I’m asking for an unbiased opinion. sorry if the grammar is bad my thoughts were racing
RANT: I feel let down and happy at the same time
Relationship Stress / by adaptablePenguin4371
Last post
 August 25th, 2022
...See more So I was dating this guy and for the first year he was really nice. Then he started studying and he gave me less and less attention and I was like could you maybe give me more attention and he said I’ll do it after my exams and well I believed him. a lot of things happened and my mental health worsened and well I kinda ignored it for a good while but the way he treated me made me have horrible panic attacks and idk he just started being very different. Towards the start of his exams I once again asked for more attention and he said he was too busy, but this time he stayed up past 1am making new friends (only female), when I confronted him about this he said I was being jealous and that I was overreacting and that he was allowed to make friends and that I was just being toxic. Well I don’t know why I tolerated this behaviour it got to the point where I just wanted to die and idk some of these girls he made friends with hit on him, and I asked him to stop talking with them which he did but he kaput asking how he could make it up to me so he could talk with them again because they were really cool and just understood him so well (maybe I’m over exaggerating but idk he played the victim which annoyed me a lot) and when I told him he could’ve told them he had a gf he just said no that would be annoying to them. Well fast forward he keeps this habit and I tell him my needs aren’t being met and that I’m upset with his behaviour that hasn’t changed at all like he said it would, he just starts yelling at me calling me toxic and jealous and then he asked if I wanted us to break up and I said yes I couldn’t take more. anyway I’m really happy now but I’m also just angry. Like he accused me of cheating with anyone I became friends with, he wouldn’t even let me invite my male friend (who he made fun of for being gay) over so we could make cookies together, but it was okay for him to go meet a girl he made friends with less than a month after they became friends? And well idk he used to be so nice and caring and I was holding on for too long. He got upset over my dog, he called it ugly and said he wanted it to die because I loved it more than him, but at least my dog doesn’t lie to me and it loves me the way I am and my dog means a lot to me because it helped me stabilise my mental health and kinda make my anxiety attacks less bad. And idk every time I told him I was bi he was like no and I’m the end I felt like I couldn’t even be open about who I was or the fact that some of my friends were trans or non binary (I had to ask my friend if it was okay I misgendered them around him and I felt so horrible). I got diagnosed with autism during our relationship and I asked him to just read a little about it to have some understanding and he told me he wouldn’t because it didn’t interest him and it would be of no use anyway and I had to be crying before he said he would consider it. Anyway this is practically just a rant because idk man I feel so let down, I loved this guy and I feel so disappointed he turned into a complete asshole, we’ve been broken up for almost a month, my mental health has unproven so much my therapist said she didn’t know if I needed to go to therapy anymore and I’ve been seeing my friends more and I’ve even had sleepovers with them without having to worry about being accused of cheating and I’m so happy. He blocked me because I cut my hair in a ziggy startdust style and apparently that meant I cheated on him with my friend during our relationship and like idk I’m just over it and happy that he doesn’t speak to me anymore because he made me feel like trash ngl. im sorry this is low-key just a rant I needed to let it go kinda
Friends with benefits
Relationship Stress / by adaptablePenguin4371
Last post
 August 7th, 2022
...See more So I broke up with my ex a week ago and we’re both sorta okay emotionally and still pretty good friends, the thing just is that we kinda started hooking up again and kinda agreed to be friends with benefits. I know this maybe isn’t the most reasonable thing to do (considering it might make moving on a lot harder) and we’ll I told my friend who said that sexual relationships and romantic relationships aren’t the same and that they’re scared I’ll get hurt because I’ll stay attached, I see their point I really do, but I also enjoy being friends with benefits. It feels a lot more intriguing than when we were in a relationship, but it also makes me question if I’m actually doing the right thing or if the pleasure isn’t worth it? I’m slightly confused mainly because I really enjoy it.
Autism and getting tested?
Disability Support / by adaptablePenguin4371
Last post
 July 31st, 2022
...See more I have autism, and I’ve been diagnosed only a couple months ago meaning I’ve developed a lot of other things due to well my undiagnosed autism. This means I’ve had to drop out of school and I hoped I’d be able to start school again after the summer break but my parents decided I needed a longer break (a lot of traumatic things happened at home which caused more mental distress) and my mom contacted some people and told me i had e to do a type of testing to see how disabled I am(?) I’m honestly not sure. From what I understood it’s to see if I need special papers for cheaper taxis instead of public transport so I won’t be overstimulated once I’m at school, or if I need papers to be allowed to go to school less and study partly at home, or if I can get a permit to a service dog since dogs especially help on how I’m feeling (I already kinda have a dog, but she’s 12 and too old to well become a service dog), my mom also talked about maybe getting a sunflower band. Anyway I don’t know how this works around the world, but does anyone know what tools they might give autistic people so it’s easier to live “normally”? And what is it like to have a sunflower band? I’m scared that if I wear one people will get mean and target me, it’s kinda the same with a service dog since I’m not visibly disabled. What are your experiences?
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