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Xhadaronn
75,466 M Big Steps 7
PathStep 54 Compassion hearts578 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceMarch 14, 2020
Recent forum posts
Hopeless
Anxiety Support / by Xhadaronn
Last post
 October 10th, 2020
...See more I have decided. There is nothing that can help me. I am a lôst cause. I am hôpeless. I am unhelpable and even the most well meaning people will eventually abandon me. I am just a sad perverted idiot and I do not want to help myself anymore. I cant help myself so I cannot accept any help. Ive tried it, ive reached out, NOBODY CAN HELP ME SINCE I WILL NOT HELP MYSELF. I am literally hôpeless. I just want to stay the victim I have always been my whole life. I am gîving up on myself and feel the desire to intentionally ruin my life. This is why I have to ask. Is there any valid reasôn to stay? Because I want to make a plan to end ît quickly and painlessly in case all else fails. Everybody keeps yelling at me that suîcide is NEVER a solution but given my circumstances I know theyre wrong. I cannot be helped and people are wasting their time with me. Oh and one last thing. I am *_NOT_* depressed. The fact that I wont go through with suîcide if I do not find a quick and painless way only proves it! I just feel i want to do it because im a sad helpless fool. If I wont have the guts to go through with it ill just live a miserable life until perhaps smth will change OR I will just overhwelmingly burden everyone around me with my problems until they all abandon me and get tired of me. I know I will probably regret writing this extremely cringe-worthy post, especially since my mood swings will prolly make me feel euphoric by tomorrow, but still. This is how Ive been feeling. It's all lost. And over. I am lost and over. And I swear to God life is the equivalent of suffering and pain.
Losing myself
Anxiety Support / by Xhadaronn
Last post
 September 26th, 2020
...See more I have realised I have absolutely no interests, hobbies or passions that match me or that I am good at. I have simply lost motivation to do anything and all I feel is that I want to give up on this life because I see no escape. Anything I try that could potentially interest me I manage to ruin because I simply feel it's not for me. I feel crippled by anxiety and frankly any sort of challenge scares me: even playing a video game which is supposes to be fun. That's how rigid I am... No solution I try seems to work and all I do is exhaust myself and the people around me.
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