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WanderingWitch
2,990 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 39 Compassion hearts175 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2017 Member sinceDecember 26, 2016
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It wasn't my fault.
Trauma Support / by WanderingWitch
Last post
 June 8th, 2017
...See more A long story short: 4 years ago, my dad abused me which basically lead me to leap off the highest point in my life only to land facedown in probably my lowest. That's not the intent of this post, though. This happened during a time where I was so certain of myself, it bordered on the egotistical. This whole time, I've held myself in contempt. I've told myself that it happened because I cared about myself and I saw myself as valid. For 4 years I've thought that if I had just seen myself as insignificant, I wouldn't have had to face that kind of situation in my life, and I would be successful. But I know I'm healing because now I can see how bullshit that is and the real reason this has hurt for so long is because I haven't cared for myself. Reasons as to why it happened don't really matter in this context; regardless of whether it was "my fault" I'm still deserving of my own self respect and the truth is, I'm never going to be happy until I do. I only blame myself because it gives me a sense of control over an otherwise chaotic situation. It's easier to think that you're the one that needs to change. But really, the only way I need to change is in such a way that I become happier and more at peace with who I am. This whole time I thought that there was something inherently wrong with me and I feel so free to finally realize: It wasn't my fault.
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