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VeeEm
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceApril 16, 2020
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Misunderstood with ASPD
Personality Disorders Support / by VeeEm
Last post
 December 12th
...See more Hi, I recently was properly diagnosed with ASPD. I’m highly intelligent and rational, so I’m pretty high functioning. There seems to be a genetic link in my family but I also experienced severe trauma when I was younger. I show both Primary and Secondary psychopathy traits. I don’t feel empathy or guilt and regret, and my other emotions are dulled, but I do have feelings. I tried talking to someone recently about this diagnosis and was immediately received with “you’re dangerous and crazy and a fake liar”. I was honestly a little surprised because especially since becoming self aware I’ve tried really hard to be a good person and live a good normal life despite my brain wanting other things. It is so exhausting pretending to be this wonderfully sweet empathetic person, but I like that others like me and that I’m able to have a job. If my coworkers found out about me though, they’d go crazy! My former boss was getting her masters in psych and went on about how those with ASPD are dangerous. I don’t want to be seen that way, yet this stereotype is so deeply embedded into people’s minds it’s just hard. I’ve wanted to talk to someone about how challenging it is sometimes to keep it together and not go unhinged despite everything in me wanting to create chaos. I chose a different path. I wish I could talk to people about how isolating and lonely the path of someone like me is. No one wants to hear me out.. I’m seen as evil just because of my diagnosis. And yes, I can feel loneliness and I can feel isolated. I don’t feel things the same way as normal people but I do experience emotions although not as frequently. When I do feel something a little more intensely, it causes me almost a physical discomfort because of how odd it feels to feel. I just hope people will be more understanding of the fact we didn’t chose to be like this and a lot of us are trying to be better.
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