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VainPhantasm
3,903 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts381 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceMarch 13, 2018
Bio
I know it's long, but there's hope, my story is truth of it

I used to come here a lot needing refuge and help. I remember feeling broken, lost, empty, like nothing was worth it. I didn't fit in anywhere

I struggled with suicidal thoughts, even attempted a few times, but it always failed and left me a bit more broken than before
After a short while each time, I would leave 7 cups because the people's hatred and anger was too overwhelming and I had no energy for it

I struggled with my disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar) for most of my life, but the last 7 years it really stole my lifeforce
I did anything and everything to get away, phrases you might have experienced: to feel something, to numb the empty, also to just not feel anything at times
to escape this void... These were a part of my life as well
Some days I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed, to stop crying, Since I was young I didn't want to live, I was ungrateful for being here on earth
I remember thinking at the age of 11 that I would commit suicide when I matriculated (finished school)

I used to hear people saying "I too, like you struggled with depression for a short while and I overcame it" and then I'd think to myself
It's not something you can escape, you think you know what it is, but you don't, you didn't have it this bad, it's not something that just goes "away"

and for years these thoughts have dragged me deeper and deeper into the pit I was

Now for most of this I was correct, it's not something you can escape on your own, it's not something that just goes away, but the thing I got wrong is 
that I thought there's no hope or help



Since I have been in the deepest pits and have become one of the most joyful people I now know I feel it as my duty to try and help you guys, for I know the
unbearable pain of waking each morning with tears in your eyes and an anvil tied to your heart




I am a Christian, I have lost my faith at a young age and I have even gone into Satanism at one point, but recently I have found God, and when I say I have
found God, I don't mean it's something that my mind searched for and found. It's accepting Jesus as my saviour, convincing and later on
acknowledging that He is capable, experiencing the change from convincing myself to finally experiencing Jesus, is one of the hardest things you could do

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world 
and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms".. This piece of information is crucial in understanding the cause of our troubled minds
This hopefulness we feel


Our lives are cherished by God, he finds joy in our existance, He wants us to enjoy our lives, to love Him and His creation

Satan wants the opposite, he wants to steal our the joy we have for God and the life He has given us. He wants to take away what God has given us and the ONLY way he can do that is by sowing disbelief
in God's truth: the Gospel of Jesus and the everlasting life we have received.

These words might not mean to you what they mean to me, but my salvation and rescue I have found in Jesus, I am completely free, I have not felt a single grain of being depressed since I have experienced God
He has freed me from my own desctructive thoughts and nature and I mourn in my heart for the people that don't find the peace I now have

You too can find the peace and freedom via faith

Faith is the discipline of moving towards God even when times get tough, feeding the fruits of the spirit and not going back to the ways of the world even when you think there's no other way.
Trust me when I say, that moment you feel there's no other way, Open up to God and tell him, I now leave it in your hands, I BELIEVE YOU CAN


Stop listening to the music drawing you to this world, making you feel safe and comfortable in your state of being depressed - Listen to music like music from the Gaithers
Stop playing video games that enslave you, stealing all of your time you have to repent and come back to Jesus so that you can be saved

Lucifer was made of timbrels and pipes for when God moved Lucifer would make the loveliest sounds, He was made of jewels
for when God's Glory shown over him, He would be the brightest and beautiful sight

I was being misled by the music I listened, by wasting my precious time and life on video games, when there's so much more to the life God has given me
It has been a year since I have been saved and the only sorrow I now have is remembering all of the people I have met and known that might not have found the freedom and peace I now have

May God bless you all and touch your hearts and remove this world's grasp on your lives so you may walk like Lions among sheep









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