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VCCjusttalk
612 M Embraced 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts47 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 16, 2022
Recent forum posts
Confusing times (vent)
Arts & Crafts / by VCCjusttalk
Last post
 September 2nd
...See more I just dont know how i feel about art anymore, and i am a soon to graduate in a art career... I just dont feel like i am good enough, i dont think i am ready. What am i actually going to do afterwards? I don´t know if i want to only be an art teacher, but i also know is the most probable way to make an income, and also i am good at it. Like, i know for a fact that i could be a good teacher and help others that way. I have mixed feelings about recognition and "success", on the one hand i know it is not important, on the other, i still have this feeling of being a fraud and a failure if i dont "make it" as an artist. I remember when i just wanting to do nice things, i feel like i am lost.  I think it all boils down to my low self esteem, i hate needing validation from others, but i cant give myself permission to be free, never. All of these years studying, i dreamed about this moment, about being free from classes and having time to ACTUALLY improve my art, but now i am scared i will never be able to...  I just dont want to feel like i wasted my life away, but i am afraid i will never be satisfied with myself, i will never be enough. Is also like there are so many routes and ways my future could go, and i am still young (21), but at the same time im afraid to settle, to chose one thing and then missing everything else, then feel like i wasted everything.  And i just hear these voices inside my head, from people i´ve met, friends, teachers, they are thinking to themselves about how much of a dissapointment i am, about why did i study such a career when i am not good enough, why did i study such a career when i was just going to end up teaching after all?  And i know is all ego and narcissism, and maybe i am just being inmature about it.  It shouldn´t mind where my future goes, as long as i am happy doing the things i do, doing what i want. But still, when i think of drawing or painting, i just feel afraid of finding out where i lack. I dont know, maybe im just afraid because i will finish soon, and there is nothing ahead of me anymore. I just dont know anything anymore. I wanted to do art, but i will never be an artist.  and I am afraid that i wont be happy because of it... for most ridicule that it may sound
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