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The2Wolves
3 1,238 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts47 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 1, 2022
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The correctional system does not only fail people with borderline personality disorder, it traps them in a hamster wheel and they need our help
Personality Disorders Support / by The2Wolves
Last post
 January 3rd
...See more I have an idea and was hoping maybe somebody could help. I need to back up a little first First, I don't have BPD my partner of almost 3 years does I'm sure I'm not surprising anyone with high statistics of addiction with BPD. At first I didn't realize the extent of the addiction and of course had no idea about the BPD. Looking back every thing happened exactly as it needed to in order for us to get here I suspected trauma all along but didn't know how severe it was. She really didn't either She was diagnosed at one point at 18 but doesn't remember what happened. And after I started talking about it she remembered Now, it has taken a long time and a lot of patience to get her to see and begin to accept what is wrong with her. She is still however untreated right now I tried everything I could to get her help in there but it is too much and to limited in terms of communication. I would play videos over the phone send articles on the message system, transcripts of the BPD workbook one chapter at a time I think she can understand she has this but still not admit to the behaviors I'm not going into specifics because that's what I'm trying to get help with. To help her see how this works. Like you can't just say I get it I have untreated bpd, but I can control x y and z behaviors She's been in and out of incarceration for over two decades now. Because nobody ever dealt with the BPD and therefore could not deal with the addiction. The second she got out she got high and rearrested Now that's what I'm terrified about at this point because she thinks she's much better and all she needs to do is go to therapy and she'll be fine and she won't do drugs anymore she doesn't even want to do drugs anymore etc etc But the problem is she'll be most likely going back to her mother's home where her mother is a large contributor to this disorder. Her brother likely has it as well. And there are drugs that are very very accessible to her She can't come with me because honestly our whole relationship started out with addiction and borderline and toxic. Plus she doesn't know how to live by herself. She doesn't know how to hold a job and pay bills and budget money she needs to learn all that and she knows that and agrees with it But she's terrified she's going to be homeless and therefore wants to go to her mother but I suggested a treatment facility and she freaked out on me because she didn't want to get locked up any longer after being locked up. I honestly don't think she needs to be incarcerated but I don't know that she'll be able to hold it together free because she has no tools yet It's like you have to choose to go to therapy everyday over the drugs. Everyday. Drugs that are less than a minute from you. And she doesn't get that she's walking into a trigger situation once again, It's like she keeps fighting the same war with no weapons or armor. And I'd like to see her go into even if it's just a few months a program that will work on dual diagnosis and give her some weapons and some Shields so that she has a Fighting Chance And now she's put on me because I suggested that and I have to wait for her to come back around and call me but here's what I was wondering about She cannot get therapy in there. I tried. I even tried to pay one to see her through the visitation app. She was willing to waive her HIPPA rights but the therapists were not comfortable with that. She only listens to me so much before she tunes out because I'm not a doctor, not an addict (which yes I am by the way I am codependent, addicted to her) I don't have a YouTube channel etc I had started explaining this last October 2022 and it wasn't until January that she came around to it. And that was because she picked up the BPD workbook I had gotten her for Christmas and saw the the things I was saying in a textbook. That made it real and she started to pay attention. But she got arrested shortly after that so it was mostly done through the message system or video over the phone That got really expensive and I honestly think she was tuning out on me. So what I was wondering, not I'm not looking for anyone to treat her or anything, just maybe be an empathetic pen pal? And she is a deleter, it's almost a compulsion because she always does wind up getting caught despite deleting everything. The only things I would want to know and feel are fair, is that she is in fact participating in her own recovery and not just the "I understand" when she really doesn't. I don't honestly know if it's a lack of desire or she's just unable to express herself being untreated but I just want to know she is trying. And she's not the only one that needs help like this. The best I can do for her is to try and get someone that understands how she feels and can help validate her and help her understand that while she may believe everything she says when she says it about wanting to get better and not wanting drugs anymore etc, But if she walks right back into that same where she's been fighting her entire life with still with no armor or weapons she's likely looking at the same result I've been researching treatment centers and there are some that are only a few months. It's not that much longer. She doesn't need to be incarcerated anymore but I don't believe she has the emotional tools she needs to fight that war And again I'm not going to go into personal details because if someone helps me that's for her to tell but her mother triggers her constantly and they fight constantly and if all she's got to do is walk 30 seconds to get drugs, I don't know how long she'll be able to hold out. I think a treatment facility for dual diagnosis would be the best idea but right now that's not my call. But I want to give her the best chance at success I can, and I can't go through this cycle again if she does get right back on drugs And there are others in there that need help as well. That might be interested in something like this too. When she started doing her workbook people would gather around and ask her what she was doing and when she explained it all these light bulbs went on Americanadditioncenter.org website states that 65-90% of addicts have an underlying personality disorder. The low end is more than half. The national library of medicine, official gov site states 23% of men and 28% of women in prisons diagnosed borderline. That's approximately 1/4 of each population and only the ones that we know about which when you then put that together, it's horrifying how many people are trapped in there needing help that they can't get The psych doctor see them once a month for 5 minutes. That's not enough time to get to know the personality and be able to diagnose it. This last go around that she accepted she had a problem and she talked to the psych doctor about it her exact words were not only is it possible it's actually probable but I don't know your personality so I can't diagnose that. At which point she diagnosed bipolar and ptsd and gave her medication. They also updated to include a recent study of 220 inmates. 27% of males and 55% of those females presented borderline Those stats are horrific and there is still no help for these people. No I've been wanting to do something about this ever since I started to learn and maybe someone else might want to join me because this is a problem all over the country. I don't know what can be done but a simple therapist visit once a week would be helpful and possible. All they'd have to do is shut down the monitoring on the videos for an hour. If I can visit her through a video once a week why can't a therapist? Because inmates are income and that's all they ever are to the states and counties that house them. They want them to fail and come back again and get more money And if they don't get treatment while they're in there then they get released and they're immediately back in that world that is terrifying and painful. And they no longer had the medication that they were giving themselves on board to mask that pain so they go get it. And then they get rearrested and do it all over again. I'm sorry that was so long but it just really is important to make sure I got everything. I'm sure there's things I forgot anyway but I think that conveys how serious that problem is and the first step to solving it is going to be simply finding people who care enough. Thank you for listening everyone Jenn
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