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StarryeyedArtist
742 M Little Steps
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceJuly 24, 2015
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Some depressive ramblings
Depression Support / by StarryeyedArtist
Last post
 June 22nd, 2020
...See more I'm not too sure what to even write here, I'm just...so tired. I can't stop crying anymore. Everyday's become harder and harder to do anything. "Anything" used to mean doing work, cleaning, taking care of emails (being "productive" basically), but now it's gone even further to encompass getting out of bed and literally just fulfilling any kind of task that's not sleeping, staring at the wall or my phone, or crying. I'm lucky and grateful I can at least manage to eat and take my meds, but those don't even feel like they help right now. These waves of depression are so extreme, so much more than I've felt in a long time, that it physically hurts. I've been talking with my therapist, telling her what's on my mind. Of course there's the quarantine going along with COVID (of which my dad who I live with is high risk due to his heart and also now prostate cancer that we just found out about, but luckily that's mild and treatable), everything that's gone on in the world (which I don't want to ignore but of course either way it has its toll), not being able to go outside and see people I miss dearly, not being able to see my significant other/best friend for four months because he's an essential worker that could be a carrier (and GOD do i miss him...I miss him so effing much, that thought alone will make me cry. We vid chat everyday but my brain tells me it's not enough, I want to hold him and never have to let go again), I'm falling behind on simple responsibilities which make me feel worse... And on top of all this, I feel ridiculous because I'm not in a situation that's "that bad", so why is my brain reacting like I am? My therapist who says it's reasonable to be feeling the way I do, which I'm glad to hear, but reasonable or not I can't function anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm sick to my stomach from feeling so low and awful and depressed and I want to stop crying everyday. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this... I'm just tired. I'm so tired. I'm probably going to sleep for the nth time today. If you read this, thank you for at least hearing me rant a bit. I felt bad posting something so long in a rant thread, and I didn't want to take away from other people's troubles. Though I hope making a new thread in general isn't the worse of the two options...
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