SpiritualDreamer92 Member Profile

...See more So this last week, I recently broke up with my current ex. We weren't together for long, but I loved her, and was willing to make many compromises for her. I compromised on what we would eat when we ate together sometimes, since she is a vegetarian and I am not. I compromised on when I was hoping to get married, since I was hoping to get married in ~2 years, and she said she wasn't ready for that. Then I compromised my own "sexual virginity" by breaking my own oath that I would not have sex with anyone again until I got married since I had already given up my virginity a long time ago and as a person who calls himself a Christian, this shouldn't be so. She also rejected the Christian faith outrightly, and I was willing to give space and time to see how things would pan out, if we were a personality match. But after a couple of months, she springs out of nowhere and tells me (I knew something was wrong from the way she was talking the night before) that she has no intentions of staying in the city where we live, although I was up-front on our first few dates that this was my intention (since it is very important for me). I asked her if it was possible, and she said it is absolutely not, since as a Chemist there are no labs (where she wants to work) within the vicinity of the city we are in now. We met up once for a dinner date, and talked on the phone for a few nights faterwards, but I had already felt that she was distancing herself from me. Eventually she just stopped replying and this was totally uncalled for. I literally tried everything to get into contact but it seemed very childish of her to do that, so I also had enough and said it's over (from my end) since it doesn't seem that she wants to resolve any of our issues or even try. Now I am left with an unresolved issue in my mind, but my next question is... that my mother, my closest friend, I normally tell her everything. In the past I've told her that I've had sex with my first partner, and when I was involved in inappropriate sexual activity with escorts, I also told her. She has never judged me. The first time it took me 6-years to confess and I went through a big period of depression because I hid my secret because of fear and because I told myself "she doesn't need to know, I am mature and old enough to handle this". Now I am 8 years on since my first incident, and I am 24. Well and truly old enough, but I am fearful that if I keep this secret, because I keep secret hurt and shame and whatever, that I'll go through another huge period of anxiety and depression again! Do you guys think this is possible? I feel like an idiot for asking, and embarassed, and a hypocrite, and everything else, but I need to share what I am struggling with because I know this is somewhere, where I can get support and talk things out and should not be a place where I receive judgment and citicism. I know what I've done wrong.

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