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SolarRae
394 M Embraced 3
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceAugust 20, 2021
Recent forum posts
I feel so alone right now after this comment
Depression Support / by SolarRae
Last post
 February 1st, 2022
...See more Ive Been having worsening depression lately because it’s winter and I live in New England USA, which is really not a great place to live when winter activates your depression so much. I mentioned that to my boyfriend and said I wanted to move someday. My boyfriend just said that we’re not going to up and move because I decide we should. And that I just need to get over it, all depression is the same and I just need to choose not to have it anymore, that he’s dealt with depression before and chose to not have it anymore. He said I just label everything as a diagnosis and then take it on as an identity. I’ve been in treatment for depression over 20 years now, I know you can’t just get over it. I don’t know how to deal with the overwhelming feelings of invalidation, anger, being dismissed and lonely that his comments make me feel. He’s so incredibly ignorant and has not desire to understand and be supportive. I’m not really sure if I should stay with someone who would say that. Ahh I need some help here
I’m resenting my boyfriend for ignoring my desire to get rid of our dog
Relationship Stress / by SolarRae
Last post
 November 11th, 2021
...See more My boyfriend and I had decided to get a dog and two weeks ago found one we thought was perfect. But it turns out it’s way way too much work for me. I’m disabled and unable to walk it, and it’s one of those dogs that ruins your house and is aggressive if you don’t walk it at least 2-4 miles a day. I told him I realized I’m actually a cat person and not a dog person at all, and want to get rid of it. He’s fallen in love with it tho but I’ve come to resent both him and the dog. It’s ruined all my favorite belongings and is an energy drain. I have enough to deal with already. His mother is taking it during the day until it learns to stop biting, but that means i will eventually be expected to take care of it all day while he’s at work, and I had told him you can keep the dog if you find someone else to care for it during the day. But he won’t do that. I have my own health to think of and I have things I actually want to be doing with my time. I told him I feel trapped but he doesn’t listen. He thinks how I feel about the dog will change but I’ve told him over and over it really won’t. Im resenting not being heard or listened to and that he’s not taking into account how I feel or what I actually need. This is similar to a past relationship I just freed myself of, but less extreme. Im thinking I need to leave. Does anyone have any advice? I would really appreciate it.
Should you let friends that have betrayed you in the past back in?
Relationship Stress / by SolarRae
Last post
 October 10th, 2021
...See more I have these friends from childhood, and they seem to come back around every so often in my life. It was one of those situations where they didn’t have my back over and over and I carry a huge wound about that and a deep deep betrayal wound. When they found out I had been hospitalized for my mental health they were super mean about it and some of them stopped talking to me and are super judgy anytime I run into them ever since. These people were my best friends for years and we were totally joined at the hip for a long time. I couldn’t believe they would do that after all we’ve been through together. I don’t understand why some people have friends that never do that to them and it makes me feel like I’m just not worthy or deserving of friends. I also have been feeling now that maybe it’s just not possible to have real friends and good friends don’t even really exist. These same friends had the back of each other, but not me which makes me feel even worse and like well what’s wrong with me. When they came back into my life recently my mom was like hell no, don’t go back to them again they don’t care about you and they’ll just ruin you again. I thought she was just being unforgiving but after only a few times of talking to one of them I already feel like she’s trying to control me again. She’s told me she has anxious attachment style, and I do too, but It’s just been some next level stuff with her. for example, we had a mutual friend who I dated (but I was their BEST friend, and he was only an acquaintance,) and he absolutely broke my heart worse than any other person I ever dated. It took me years to get over him. I was living with these “friends” of mine after we broke up, and they started hanging out with him and bringing him over our house, only a few months after he broke up with me. He tried hooking up with my sister, that’s how terrible he was. And they just brought him to our house and we’re like you need to get over it. Anytime my friends called our house phone one of them would tell the person I was their friend and they couldn’t talk to me and never tell me they called. I was dating a new person after a while and one of those girls slept with him while I was at work. These girls hated anyone else I was friends with because they were so possessive of me, and I had this one other friend who actually did have my back most times. They hated her. We stayed friends while I moved away from those other girls. Fast forward ten years I got in an abusive relationship and wasn’t really allowed friends and so I lost touch with that one good one. I finally got myself out of that and tried to rekindle my friendship with the one good one, only to find that She is now hanging out with those people who hurt me and I feel like I’ve lost my only friend in this world. But also saying to myself that’s what I get for letting that abusive situation get in between us. I tried telling her about these people and she was like well you kinda just need to get over it they’re not like that anymore. So I tried rekindling with one of them and it immediately felt like it used to with her being super controlling and possessive. She was making fun of my spiritual beliefs saying they’re wrong and saying anyone who doesn’t believe like her is stupid. She just seems very aggressive and angry. She was getting upset for me disagreeing with anything she said. For some reason if I’m not the exact same as her in every way she gets really angry about it. I tend to want to give the benefit of the doubt because the good friend I have seems to be having good experiences with her and I don’t want to upset and lose that good friend. And also I think to myself, well people can change and I’ve not been perfect in life either… but I genuinely wouldn’t abuse a friend. It all feels really confusing, and I’m wondering if I should maybe just scratch all of them , even the one who i thought was the good one. I’ve been feeling so incredibly sad in my heart like I can’t even breathe because of how hurt I feel. I don’t know if I can ever trust any of them again.
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