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SkinzShedder
494 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceAugust 9, 2023
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ADHD + meds

Childhood neglect > disorganized attachment

Now I'm being told I could have BPD... not sure how to feel about that one, but it makes sense. 

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BPD and Dating... ISO Advice
Personality Disorders Support / by SkinzShedder
Last post
 August 9th, 2023
...See more Alright so I identify with the disorganized attachment style. From my experience with past relationships, basically I'm painfully emotionally avoidant until I'm not. Cue me feeling some sort of 'shift' in the relationship dynamic and suddenly I become desperately anxious, like psycho anxious. It's really not funny but I imagine it must come as a huge shock to my partners, since I acted so indifferent with them before. I struggle with communicating my needs and expressing my feelings to partners. I really struggle with black and white thinking, especially once I'm triggered (enter rage monster which is so insane). After many years of confusion and "why is this happening to me" I got a BPD diagnosis.... I am in therapy for this and am putting in some hard and much need work on myself. That being said...with my insane fears related to intimacy, specifically emotional intimacy, in romantic relationships, at what point is it appropriate or necessary for me to sit down and have the "BPD talk" with a partner? Please remember I'm very avoidant and I'm petrified of being rejected, fearing that the person I desire will find me "crazy" or "too much." I also really fear having this information used against me and getting badly manipulated and used as a result. Unfortunately, I've experienced both outcomes in the past which has only added to my fears and major trust issues. I'm not sure how to have this kind of conversation at all. I don't want to trauma dump or overshare prematurely. I don't want to freak anybody out either, as I understand that not everyone is as mental health/trauma informed as me. I'm also trying to work on discernment in therapy so I'm not jumping straight into relationships in an effort to better vet and choose better fitting partners. Has anyone ever had this kind of conversation before with a partner? Any advice? I have no idea how to go about handling this.
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