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ShellyZz
3 1,198 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts547 Forum posts120 Forum upvotes508 Current upvotes508 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 29, 2023
Recent forum posts
So tired, feel like crying and scared,
Depression Support / by ShellyZz
Last post
 1 hour ago
...See more Warning post contains graphic words, violence and more.   My brother and I were homeschooled.  My brother since kindergarden, I after finishing 3rd grade.  Unfortunately my moms homeschooling idea was to just leave us to figure out everything ourselves.  My brother has a lot of anger from this.  Me?  I think I do but mostly I just feel exhasted when thinking about it. He recently found out a surgery he needs isn't covered by insurance.  So his depression has worsten.  He said he wants to kill the people who made homeschooling legal.  Why?  Because it screwed us.  He did get his GED but the only jobs he can find are manual labor since everything else needs a collage degree.  Which he feels it is to late to go for now.  (passed his twenties but not in fourties)  The way he kept saying he wants to kill them to make consequences to show how bad homeschooling screwed his life up, scared me.  I really don't know what to do.  He has talked about suicide before and brought it up again saying his life is over anyway. He can't run anymore and can't afford the surgery.  I can barely even help myself.  And don't know how to help him.  He is finally in therapy but the anger in his voice.  I love him so much and just don't want him doing anything stupid.  He lives with other family members right now and not in the same state as me.  The therapist suggested getting a lawyer for disability and to sue his work place since his injury appeared there.  But his work place said it happened during his personal time.  I hate not knowing how to help him.  My own therapist once told me I need to just let him go.  Great now I'm crying.  I feel so bad for him.  He was such a bright, energy given child.  He is still very smart but won't or can't figure out how to use it for his own good. I'm not sure if I should contact who he stays with or not.  Its hard for me to tell if he is being serious or blowing off steam.  As that is how he always used to blow off steam. Feel free to ask any questions and I'll try to answer them.  I won't give exact age/location for safety reasons.  I'm just so tired of failing to help him.
Drawings
Arts & Crafts / by ShellyZz
Last post
 November 1st
...See more I found some old drawings I did.  I couldn't draw much at home since it wasn't allowed at the time.  So I'll be posting the ones that I found.  I'll post one a day or so.  I know it isn't the best but I like drawing.  PS I can't get the pictures to stop flipping as I post them.
Still fostering kittens, had a bad day today, graphic words after nice pictures
Hobby Zone / by ShellyZz
Last post
 October 6th
...See more Some of my past foster kittens, I still have the black mama (working on getting her non feral, she lets me now pet her without hissing) and I have one of her black kittens who is finally healthy and will hopefully find a home soon.  The pictures have nothing to do with the kitten in the bottom post.  I didn't get a picture of him, though maybe I should have for proof. So today I had a bad day.  Don't read if you can't handle more description as it does get bad.  I had to call who I volenteer for, as a guy who we've saved over 80 cats/kittens from had more.  I did get a few a few days ago.  He messaged me saying he had a cat with a broken back.  Once I got a hold of her she said I could get the cat and we would most likely have to put it down.  (I had to get her permission as I don't have the funds myself)  So went there and got the cat.   He was already in a carrier for me to take. It was a kitten around 5 to 6 months old.  I did take him to the vet.  Unfortunately the poor kitten was dragging himself around.  The vet said he was like that for way more then 5 days(the guy said it was like that 5 days ago.  I was *** since when I was there he didn't mention it or show it to me.)  He had zero feeling in his legs, and number two all around his bum and legs.  The vet also said he most likely was filled with fluid as his tummy was way to large.  It was decided putting him down was the best thing for him.  The cost was more then 200.  (The person I foster for covered it)   I just feel so bad for the kitten.  The guy claims to love cats yet left the poor thing.  We do not have an animal control, and he was reported before but as far as I know nothing became of it.  Most of the time those reports just go ignored unless you have proof, but most of his cats hide when strangers are around.  I didn't think to take a picture since I was just trying to hurry and get the kitten to the vet.  The guy feeds feral cats so he doesn't help with any payment or take them to the vets since quote "They aren't my cats".  I'm just glad the little guy isn't in pain anymore.
I'll most likely have to put my cat down tomorrow, I can't stop crying.
Depression Support / by ShellyZz
Last post
 August 13th
...See more I've had Candy for 10 years.  She helps a lot with my depression.  She has a deformity on her face she's had since birth.  It caused her to only be able to breath out of one nostril.  This year it has gotten worse.  And her eye got infected.  Or so I thought.  She's had to injections to help it and nothing.  This next bit is graphic so be warned. Her eye is getting bigger by the day and even bleeds.  It also has growths on it.  The vet now believes its a tumor.  She also keeps getting nose bleeds. Tomorrow she is supposed to get an xray but the vet most likely will just tell me to put her down.  All the vets she's been to said let her die naturally (she is most likely in pain) Or put her down.  (so she won't suffer anymore) I'm just devastated.  I thought we'd have a good ten or so years left.  It hurts so much.  I feel like I'm betraying her if I have to put her down.  She still plays and eats.  But she can't close her eye anymore.  She's been to the vet at least 5 times in 30 days and nothing is helping her.
Just posting some of my cats and my foster cats! Wasn't sure if I should post on my old thread or start new
Hobby Zone / by ShellyZz
Last post
 August 5th
...See more Faith is my foster fail, a picture of her as a kitten and her now!  She just turned 3 today! My foster kittens and their momma Sometimes these pictures turn when I upload, not sure how to change it
Not a great month at all
Disability Support / by ShellyZz
Last post
 August 13th
...See more Not sure where to start for this month.  First, the day before my birthday I had to appeal for my disability.  So now I'm waiting on that.  My uncle ended up in the emergency room as his kidneys tried to fail.  (He is finally doing better now)   My brother has to have a surgery with a 6 month recovery time.  The problem is he has talk about suicide, and this isn't helping him feel better.  He was feeling better until the pain happened which led to mri, and led to find out he needs surgery.   I just finished my physical therapy which no big surprise didn't do much.  And now we found out our property tax increased and we owe money.   (apparently lots of property tax around us went up.  Ours went op over 50%, not sure the total since my father pays them but it more then doubled.) My cat who was born with a deformity had gotten sick, (her deformity makes it hard for her to breath, she's had is since birth,) so much so I thought she'd pass on me.  She went to two different vets she is doing a bit better.  (I love my cat so it is depressing.)  And my foster cat is sick, just got back from the vet and am waiting on the results. The good news I've had?  Well like I said my uncle is doing better.  My foster kitten that was sick is all better now and runs around like a nut.  Lets hope next month is better!
B-day tomorrow
Journals & Diaries / by ShellyZz
Last post
 July 19th
...See more I'm not sure how to feel about getting older.  I outlive what the doctors said would have happen if they never discovered my scoliosis.  Living in chronic pain isn't fun, but I do have cats that help.  Family is iffy.  I'm also starting pt again next week so hopefully some pain will go down.  I did my evaluation and was told my body is definitely weak and will be strengthening it.   I've been keeping up with the ones at home, just can't do them all in one setting.  My neck is healing from hurting 5 of its discs so no surgery for that.  The bad news I got was that it looks like I might have to reapply for disability.  But that is for another post later on.
Foster kittens and cats make me feel worth something
Hobby Zone / by ShellyZz
Last post
 November 13th
...See more They grow so fast!
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