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Saltandchili
1,467 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 63 Compassion hearts76 Forum posts25 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceApril 9, 2020
Recent forum posts
I am so confused
Trauma Support / by Saltandchili
Last post
 April 20th, 2021
...See more TW - sexual assault and grooming 3 years ago I became homeless and began getting groomed by one of my male teachers. I was F15 he was M35. It started gradual but progressed over the course of one and a half years. Over that time lots of weird and uncomfortable stuff happened but nothing too crazy. However one time he got me behind the stage in my school, threw me onto the ground and lay on top of me. I literally froze and it felt like 10 minutes but in reality it was probably only 2. He didn't do anything but I remember just accepting my fate and I know that of he wanted to he could've. However I moved on from that and I was GRATEFUL that he didn't do anything else. Anyway fast foward to today. He had left the school for a year and now he's back. However he says that he has a video of him sexual assaulting me and showed me a snippet of it AND IT WAS ME!! We had went on a school trip and I can recognise where we are but I am totally unconscious and I am so confused. I have the tinest memory of being carried somewhere before but I have no clue how I got back into my room without anybody being alerted. I shared with two other people. I never knew I got sexual assaulted but now I am so confused and scared. My confidence in myself and my own memories is gone because I literally did not know that I had been attacked and I think that is honestly embarrassing for me. If anyone knows anything that could help please let me know, I reported him to the school in an anonymous email but they clearly didn't do anything and I don't have the strength to tell anyone :(
intrusive thoughts are back - please help
Journals & Diaries / by Saltandchili
Last post
 March 21st, 2021
...See more I am so confused. with everything not going to lie bt especially to do with the thoughts i'm having. i got over my depression, my internalised homophobia but now. now i just have horrible intrusive thoughts about harming myself all the time. (i have never self harmed). like for instance i work in a fast food place and i constantly imagine me putting my hands into the oil or onto a hot stove ect. also i always have theses "dreams" about someone or some people hurting me like REALLY BAD. and then someone finds me but im basically dead and for some reason i dont find it scary, which scares me soooo much. im not sure if they go together but maybe? i got triggered by a post and this is when all this came, i am so confused and it seems like now i am just getting more and more of them. i also feel like im getting more and more detached from reality, which is creeping me out as well! if someone has any advice or any guess of what is happening please reply because i am desperate. thank you
Back to the beginning
Trauma Support / by Saltandchili
Last post
 June 10th, 2020
...See more A snapchat memory came up of my 40 year old teachers face and I am instantly back there. I had pushed everything deep deep down but now it's back and stronger than ever. I have been sleeping way more than usual and I have stopped eating and drinking. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. He picked me cause I was vulnerable and homeless, and yeah he was smart I guess. I still haven't told anyone. It's eating away at me and I feel SO guilty. If I had of been stronger mentally and physically then it wouldnt of went as far. He's away teaching for a year but he'll be back next year and ill be in his class everyday. I don't know what to do I want to tell but I don't have the strength but if I don't and he starts grooming someone else then I don't think I'd be able to cope. All advice needed. Thanks
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