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SP2022sass
10,536 M Pacing Forward 4
PathStep 35 Compassion hearts1,657 Forum posts28 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 12, 2020
Recent forum posts
When is it too much? *TW Childhood trauma, rape, human sex trafficking, religion, alcohol, relationship abuse* *no replies*
Trauma Support / by SP2022sass
Last post
 April 9th, 2021
...See more Hello and Welcome to Huebner Rollercoaster.. Please keep hands and feet inside at all times. You can reply when I have completed and you see the *done* post. But for right now, no replies as I don't know how long it will take me to get it all out. ..(some randomness will happen at times).. I was born in the states. I was told how my paternal grandma kidnapped me and how my biological father could careless about it and how my mom kidnapped me back. I was told about how around the age of 2 I had my first overdose on chocolate exlax. Yes the bars of chocolate that help you poop. Poor mom being a single parent with 2 kids under that of 5. hehehe (my older half brother is only 18-20 months older than me)... my mom remarried. The man I call dad had raised me since I was 2. Crazy? Not yet! (here comes the crazy train) ... I can recall always hearing my mom scream and shout and say things like she will just wait for whatever style of transportation to run her over... Controlling much?? She'd run away in the rain and my dad and older half brother would always bring her crazy B* ass back. My mom and I never got along after the age of 9. Mostly because I was "too sensitive" or "she had to walk on eggshells".. Although it was my mom who compared me to not only my older half brother but also my 2 younger half sisters. I was not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough, too much boy, not enough girl. Either way I wasn't enough. (still felt today)... Now before you say that isn't abusive, let me tell you how it impacted me growing up. I was not able to have birthday parties with my friends coming over. I had to ALWAYS celebrate it with family only even if my siblings invited their friends on my birthday... Rude much Mother? I was the poster child for being the middle child. Lets move a little later in my life. I was in my early teen years when my family chose to move across America leaving our west coast life to live Midwest.. (Didn't everyone at one point in history leave the east coast to go west?) Anyway life in the Midwest was NOT easy for me. I was bullied in my new town. Had death threats. Mom didn't care. My own brother could and would bully me too. I was hated for simply existing in this world. I chose to no longer believe in Jesus. I chose to lock myself in my room more times than I could count because reading Harry Potter was more important than spending anytime with this crazy family. Life was absolutely horrible for me. Mid-teen years of my life came a huge huge upset as it happened on my sweet birthday. My dad divorced my mom........ and I got yelled at! This aint all of it as most of it I skipped over. I do want to back up to a time when my parents mostly my dad made the huge error he ever did with me... So Back before this move he made fun of my choice at a popular fast food joint to eat a kids meal over the Big Meal I usually got. Teased me horrible. It wasn't for a toy it was because I was being made fun of for my weight in middle school. So anyway back to the midwest now... He made his second huge error prior to the official divorce and me finding out about it. My older half brother.. the butthead.. yep him.. so not only did he get away with bullying me, one day after school I went to get my snack in a smal walk in pantry. He came in with a towel. I thought he had just washed his hands and ignored him. He started to attack me with the towel. Now before you make the same error, I did everything I was taught. Say no, say stop..I couldnt get away because i was cornered. So I started to push my way out and was not fully able to get out but able to reach for something. I grabbed a knife. Somehow it was the biggest knife in a knife block. I said some choice words. And my baby of sisters cried boo hoo hoo and wana wana. Called our dad (who is their birth father) and he came home from work not happy with me! Like WT**** ...So in the hosiptal over my choice of words that got me uncornered... The doctor and my dad both feared I was a danger to the family but asked me how I felt.. now I am unsure how it all went down but I remember in front of my dad(a male) and a doctor (a male) I (a female) pulled down my pants showing the welt... Yes I had a welt so big and ugly already on my thigh. A wet towel will do that. They said this harmful phrase..."Boys will be boys"...as if its okay to leave welts on your female sisters...go be boys in the locker room with other boys. GEEZZHA
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