Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
RubberDaisies
4,779 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts273 Forum posts59 Forum upvotes108 Current upvotes108 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceJune 24, 2017
Bio
Hey there! My name is Gabe, I'm 18 and I suffer from a variety of mental illnesses. That's alright though, I'm learning to accept and love myself for the way I am.
Recent forum posts
Bulimia - Am I faking it?
Eating Disorder Support / by RubberDaisies
Last post
February 11th, 2019
...See more Hello! I would like to start this post off by saying that I tried talking to a therapist about this problem once when I was hospitalised for something different, and she basically told me I was faking it and I didn't really have an eating disorder and that I just wanted attention because I had *just* been diagnosed with BPD. I would also like to start this post off by giving a trigger warning because I will be talking about weight and purging. So without further ado, here is my story. This all started when I was 12 or 13, I was at my highest weight, and I was unhappy and doctors left and right were telling me that I needed to lose weight. My parents would constantly pick on what I was eating or that I wasn't exercising or going outside (I never went outside, because of an anxiety disorder and my paranoia). I learned to hate my body at a young age, around 10 or 11 because I went into middle school at age 9. Middle school girls and boys can be rough. I wouldn't go back to middle school if you paid me all the money in the world. Anyway, I started restricting what I was eating. To a normal amount at first, then lower and lower and lower until I was only eating broth during the day and drinking cups and cups of tea. I dropped 50 pounds in a matter of a year (keep in mind I was only 15 at this time), and everyone was so proud of me. They were telling me how good I looked and how proud they were that I was finally taking care of myself. I knew I wasn't taking care of myself, but I loved the encouragement. I loved the compliments. I couldn't stop restricting and purging anything that I ate. I didn't want to go back to being fat again. Then my dad died when I was 16 and I gained most of the weight back, around 30 pounds of it. And then I lost it again. I'm at the lowest weight I've been in years and people are giving me compliments and telling me how good and skinny I look, and I don't want to stop again. I just want to be loved and accepted and wanted, and that's the hardest thing about this. I don't purge anymore in the traditional sense, but I do use laxatives and I do fast a lot. I started binging again, and I can't help it, I'll eat tons and tons of food and I can't stop myself at all. It's awful and it makes me feel awful, and then I purge it by using laxatives and fasting. But ever since I talked to that stupid therapist, I feel like I'm faking it because I binge more than I purge, they're not equal. But I stopped vomiting because I didn't want to rot the teeth out of my skull because, frankly I love my teeth. I can't stand this, I was wondering if anyone had any input on this topic if you're still reading, and can you tell me whether or not I'm faking it? I don't want to give my eating disorder up though, and I know that's unhealthy but it's the only thing I have control over at the moment and it's the only thing that's bringing me happiness, even if it's also bringing me despair and probably a host of health problems. Thank you for whoever made it through this, and I hope you have a nice day. :)
Badges & Awards
55 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Bubbly Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Debuted Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Group Chatter Member Oath ADHD Social Anxiety Managing Bipolar Managing Finances Surviving Domestic Assaul Getting Unstuck Depression Eating Disorders Panic Attacks Surviving Breakups Traumatic Experiences Work Related Stress Self Harm Alcohol & Drug Abuse Chronic Pain Exercise Motivation Perinatal Schizophrenia Forum Companion Forum Helper 12 Steps Evolution Meet & Greet Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Diabetes CBT Meaghan's Heart Hope Training Strong Bond I