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RhysThe3rd
6 4,252 M Seeking Light 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts286 Forum posts238 Forum upvotes226 Current upvotes226 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJune 24, 2023
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I tried

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I want to give up but my body won't let me
Depression Support / by RhysThe3rd
Last post
 October 25th, 2023
...See more I feel so tired of running from it. I let the very thought i've been suppressing this entire time consume me. I don't care anymore... there's little room for empathy.  I never feel like i had a choice in anything. It's always my parents or other people. All this time i've just been trying to appease my parents as a way to show my grattitude for putting the family's economy at the risk of bankruptcy for my academic pursuit. I've sacrificed everything... and now i'm left with nothing. No matter how achieved and sleep deprived i am, It never feels like it was enough. It's been so long since i feel any joy or contentment. Now that replace it was ego, narcissm and ambition. The joy i used to get from helping other people is now supplemented by the joy of seeing my competitor struggle. A stark contrast of my original goal : to help others whilist i'm still alive.  My friends; whom i hold very dear to me; now just feels like a tool to me. Someone to come to when i'm in bad place. I feel horrible about using them like that. I've passed every opportunities i got at reunion in order to pursue my academics. It left me feeling so empty and isolated. Love, what was once a driving force in me; my love for music, literature, psychology, the german language, art, and cooking; has now become a painful reminder of my past rejection. It pains me to see the people around me found their loved ones while i'm still reeling from what feels like my reality shattering before me. Eventually i've decided to give up on it. And so began my downspiral into being workaholic.  Who cares if i'm gone? Like it'll make any difference. I've made my attempts in the past, many were unsuccesful and some even got intervened. I hate waking up everyday feeling like a reincarnated corpse. I can feel the air in my lung leaking as i inhale. The soulles drive to do more task, more work. Cause that's the only thing i know how to do. I want to give up, but my body won't let me. So i head out and overworked myself until my body couldn't bare existance anymore. Once the body and mind has given up, it's only a matter of time before history repeats. I just hope no one got hurt this time.
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A friendzone turned me into a workaholic
Depression Support / by RhysThe3rd
Last post
 5 hours ago
...See more It's been years since it happened and only been weeks since i've fully cut ties with him due to my obsession only worsening over time. The experience has been awful; i kept being reminded of all the good times we used to have, the songs we used to listen became a painful reminder, i can never look at love without feeling a sharp pain in me. This awful feeling, combined with the stress of school, turned me into a workaholic. Since i've given up love, given up on my social life, i guess the only thing i can look forward to is my academics. Things went well at first; i got good grades, most of my hw were done long before their dues; then the problem came at the end of every day where i can no longer distract myself. Suddenly all of my problems came crashing down. I feel overwhelmed by this and often resort to extreme measures to ground myself. It just makes me feel hopeless that this happens every, single, day. I just want to forget him why is it so difficult? (T-T) i don't want to feel this pain.. i don't want to live like this.. i've reached out to all of my friends and none of them could offer much support. It feels like i'm alone in this...
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Evening Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by RhysThe3rd
Last post
 October 8th, 2024
...See more As the title suggests I have a reocurring anxiety during the evening. This feeling can range from severe anxiety to which I'm forced to contact my friend for support or mild anxiety that kept me from sleeping untill midnight. I've tried to wrap my head around this dilemma for a long time and i just don't quite know what causes it. What i do know though is speculations that : perhaps i was afraid that my life will be short and that sleeping will take away 8 hours of my life, perhaps it was my past mistakes and traumas coming back to haunt me when i was less distracted. Would like to hear if you guys share a similiar experience with me so that we can discuss it.
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